So. Haven't updated in a while. I've got other cuisine on my plate...sorry it's been so long, my lovelies. Having dispensed with the pleasantries, get ready for a crapload of fun in this post - it's asstastic!
I hate CR. I hate this economy, I hate being destined to live each day on the bottom rung of the ladder. I hate the possibility of never having the career I want in the future.
Of course, I knew what I was getting into when I chose this path...I knew it would prove difficult to find work as a musician upon graduating. I knew that. That, I'm not as concerned about. It's inevitable. At least then, I'll be done with school.
What I didn't count on was how hard it would be to find a minimum-wage job to help support myself UNTIL graduation.
Here's what I would like to have happen:
Find a steady job that I can have through my whole college career. Use the money from said job to pay rent and move off campus my Junior year. Live a happy college life not feeling like a burden on society. Go to grad school in New Mexico or Chicago, get my M.M. and eventually my doctorate. Take auditions until I find a position with an orchestra somewhere, make my way up the clarinet food chain. Everything works out.
Here's what I'm afraid will happen:
I continue to have my shitty luck, and don't find a job. Live in my parents' house every summer until I graduate, acting as my mom's slave. Stay in the dorms for the rest of my undergrad, put up with annoying neighbors and UNI's high cost of room and board. Have to postpone going to grad school because I can't afford it, scramble to find a job and work to pay off my student loans. Even then, after I've eventually made it through grad school, who's to say I'll be good enough to make it in my dream job anyway.
I don't want to end up a wannabe...I want to be somebody. Right now, I feel like nobody. I have been trying to get a job ever since summer began. Some of the lovely responses I've received: "Sorry, we just hired some new people." "We aren't looking for seasonal employees, sorry." "We're always taking applications, you might hear from us in a few weeks or something..." or, my personal favorite, NO RESPONSE AT ALL. I am available for 84 hours a week, including nights, weekends, and overtime. I'm willing to come back and work during the school year, during which I only live 45 minutes away from CR. I have a little over 2 years of experience working menial jobs like the ones I'm applying for, and have been more polite than a Mormon at church when interacting with potential employers. I've been calling back and following up on apps, which is always a good idea. What am I doing wrong?? Is there something I'm missing??
The only conclusion I've drawn is that I'm undesirable in one way or another. Oh well. Time to go lose 50 pounds, dress like an office slut and use my body to get ahead in the workplace. That must be what it takes to get hired these days.
Christ on a crutch...
And the list of reasons I need money is a mile long!
~I want so badly to be able to go visit my friends in Des Moines/the Quad Cities...With gas as expensive as it is, It'll cost a small fortune to get there and back. Stash, Abcde, Scott, Isaak, Katie - It will happen soon!! If I could, I would pull a Charlie Sheen; I'd shake my tits and make it so. Alas...I'm not some kind of magic genie. That doesn't work.
~Along the lines of gas and going places, I need to make it up to Cedar Fools in June to have a lesson with Dr. McCandless. I've been working on a lot of things, and she and I need to meet up to make sure I'm on the right track with interpretation and what not. It's for the clarinet...it's for the common good.
~Wind Symphony is going to Italy next year. Needless to say, that's a pretty big deal. As if I'm not already worried that I won't be able to go (if I get beat out by a freshman or something), I'm INCREDIBLY worried about the $1000 I need to save up to go if I make the band again.
~I can't just spend the whole year being broke. This reason is pretty self explanatory; If I am to have any sort of respect for myself, I can't owe people any money. It's rude, and reflects irresponsibility. Plus, my fear is that it'll alienate people from me for being a mooche! A financial leech, a deadbeat, a walking pity party, the friend who can never pay for herself and ends up being a total drag to hang out with because she feels like a loser for MOOCHING. I don't want to be that, hell to the no!! It'll be a calm day in Libya before I lose my dignity like that...
...but I digress.
I think I should just stop talking, I've said what I need to say. Until next time, I'll keep practicing until the sun sets, and hoping for the best.
Bye, y'all.
