So it's been another year. Wow.
I'm feeling pretty full of memories right now, so it's time for my heart and brain to collectively take a dump. Get ready, 'cause here it comes: my best and worst memories of 2010!! *yahhhhhhhhhh*
~Car accident, January 13th
~Show Choir band at WHS, winter and spring. So scandalous, so skanky...so much fun!
~The Major Landers process. Thrilling, but stressful as hell. And rewarding in the end! Plus, I got to meet Toni Hoffmann, and had no idea at the time that she'd be going to UNI with me :]]
~WHS Wind Symphony performing at IBA. That whole day was so intense, I swear I cried at least twice.
~Meeting Eric Whitacre with Kenzie and Rachel!!!
~Working at Perkins
~Quitting my job at Perkins
~Playing in the pit orchestra for The Producers at TCR
~Moving
~Getting into DePaul, even though I didn't end up going there
~My last performance with Revs :/
~My first lesson with Dr. McCandless, before I knew I was coming to UNI. And sitting in with clarinet ensemble that same day :)
~Getting best in center at state solo & ensemble contest for my alto solo, clarinet quartet, and sax quartet...I miss both those groups, and I hope everyone in them does just as well this year!
~Meeting up with all the cool kids in the band mafia at Jazz All State
~Graduation
~Going to everyone's grad parties, including my own!
~Playing in the CR Municipal Band during the week Miller conducted AND the week Shanley conducted
~Getting my MacBook :]]
~That month there when my mom thought she wanted to move to Indiana, which was scary.
~Teaching at JSA's summer arts camp in August...brought back a lot of memories, and I felt like I was giving back to the elementary school that gave me a solid foundation and pushed my love for music
~Saying goodbye to my friends as we went our separate ways to different colleges :/
~Meeting my awesome 1st roomie ever, Alex Adams. It's been great :)
~UNI Band Camp with the Alto Whales!!
~Dr. Washut's class, and Dr. Washut's...Washut-isms?
~Getting to know everyone in the clarinet studio :)
~QUARTET...Abbey, Stash, and Alec, we totally rock together. You guys are a huge blast!!!
~Making Jazz Panthers and Wind Symphony. I had a great time in both ensembles, and hope to continue doing so!
~Playing at The Hub with jazz band, and listening to the other jazz bands. I just get so caught up in the moment :P
~Bass Head
~Becoming an official member of Tau Beta Sigma
~(Sch)weekend festivities with my awesome new college friends :D
~ANYTHING with my awesome new college friends! I totally feel like UNI is where I belong right now, and it's great!
~Starting this blog, mostly for personal therapy, for use as an outlet for my extreme thoughts. Extreeeeemeeeeeeeeee.....
Oh yes, what times these were. I look back on the year both fondly and not-so-fondly, reminded of all the shit I went through and all the happiness I felt. As I contemplate these things, I'm realizing one key thing, that no matter how unstable my life may be at any given point, there are always things I can count on to never change. I'll always have my music, and hopefully I'll always have people who love me, even if it's different people from time to time and even if it's for different reasons. If I have faith in one thing, it's love.
Resolutions, resolutions...
~Imma practice more. No matter how much I practice already, it can always be more.
~I want to be less impulsive. This will hopefully bring me some more stability!
~I want to use my calendar/planner more actively, to avoid stupid little conflicts. Although getting rid of combo from my schedule should take care of a lot of things...
~I should definitely go to bed earlier. I started doing it for like the last 3 weeks of last semester, and it worked wonders! I think I'll make that a regular deal.
~I WILL eat healthier. No excuses this time. I'm sick of this crap..diet = go!!!!!!!
~I plan on using my filter more. Mr. Shanley once said to me, "Don't be that girl..." And I want to take his advice.
Here's to a good 2011, tits. Happy New Year :)
Friday, December 31, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Merry Blogmas
Hey.
So, as is widely known, tonight is Christmas Eve. And tomorrow is Christmas, the night Christian people believe Jesus was born. Right here, I could go into a lengthy rant about God and the true meaning of this awesome day, but as is the case with so many political and religious things, I'd rather not. So I won't :]]
One might wonder, "Gee, what do Atheists think about the holidays? What do they think about Christmas? What do they even do?" Well, here's the thing. Even though I'm Atheist, I celebrate Christmas, but for different reasons. For my family, it's more of a time to get together with our extended families and catch up, share stories, and just be together. We don't really go to church or pray or anything like that, but we do spend the evening watching Christmas movies and playing board games and stuff like that. I mean, I know the whole point of Christmas is the fact that it's Jesus' birthday and everything, but it can be used as a reason to have quality family bonding time that we might not otherwise have very much of, and I'm all for that!
Some of my family traditions...
~Hiding the Christmas pickle. Well, It's a glass ornament that looks like a pickle, but dad always hides it on Christmas morning and Lucy and I look for it. The one to find it gets to hang it on the tree!!
~"WTF" gift exchange. Throughout the year, we collect small items that we find in stores that make us go "WTF?!" when we look at them. These can be anything from a 3" statue of an oddly misshapen bear, to an exotic fruit. The limit for spending on any such WTF gift is $5. We wrap them in newspaper, and on Christmas Eve night, we have a white-elephant gift exchange that never fails to disappoint! Last year, I remember Lucy getting a vintage Transformers thermos...I was infinitely jealous.
~Watching Charlie Brown Christmas. Self explanatory, but watching it with my family is always heartwarming - mom's commentary is priceless :]]
This year in particular is special, because not only is it my first Christmas having been away at college, but the new Narnia movie is coming out...check it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxfb1L-hMxU
OHMAGAWD.
I seriously can't wait. I read the entire Chronicles of Narnia series lord knows how many years ago, and the 5th book, Voyage of the Dawn Treader, was always my favorite. Pardon my French, but it's FUCKING EPIC AS HELL!! I have never wanted to be inside a book so badly in my entire life, so now that they're making a movie out of it, it's as if my childhood dreams are coming true! Call me whatever you want, but if I can't go see this movie, I will cry.
Well maybe not CRY, but I'll be very upset. VERY upset. And until I see it, I'll probably be an annoying little tit and not stop talking about it. Or thinking about it. Do you even know how excited I am? No, you do not. Stfu.
I'm not usually one to brag about a gift I've received, but...I GOT A NEW CAMERA. And I love it! I've wanted one for quite a while because I've never really had my own, and I've always just taken pictures with my phone so I can't zoom in on stuff, and they never turn out very well. But I HAVE one now and I'm super excited :)
That's all I've got to say for now. Good night, my lovelies! Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa/Hanukkah/Eid to us all!! <3
So, as is widely known, tonight is Christmas Eve. And tomorrow is Christmas, the night Christian people believe Jesus was born. Right here, I could go into a lengthy rant about God and the true meaning of this awesome day, but as is the case with so many political and religious things, I'd rather not. So I won't :]]
One might wonder, "Gee, what do Atheists think about the holidays? What do they think about Christmas? What do they even do?" Well, here's the thing. Even though I'm Atheist, I celebrate Christmas, but for different reasons. For my family, it's more of a time to get together with our extended families and catch up, share stories, and just be together. We don't really go to church or pray or anything like that, but we do spend the evening watching Christmas movies and playing board games and stuff like that. I mean, I know the whole point of Christmas is the fact that it's Jesus' birthday and everything, but it can be used as a reason to have quality family bonding time that we might not otherwise have very much of, and I'm all for that!
Some of my family traditions...
~Hiding the Christmas pickle. Well, It's a glass ornament that looks like a pickle, but dad always hides it on Christmas morning and Lucy and I look for it. The one to find it gets to hang it on the tree!!
~"WTF" gift exchange. Throughout the year, we collect small items that we find in stores that make us go "WTF?!" when we look at them. These can be anything from a 3" statue of an oddly misshapen bear, to an exotic fruit. The limit for spending on any such WTF gift is $5. We wrap them in newspaper, and on Christmas Eve night, we have a white-elephant gift exchange that never fails to disappoint! Last year, I remember Lucy getting a vintage Transformers thermos...I was infinitely jealous.
~Watching Charlie Brown Christmas. Self explanatory, but watching it with my family is always heartwarming - mom's commentary is priceless :]]
This year in particular is special, because not only is it my first Christmas having been away at college, but the new Narnia movie is coming out...check it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wxfb1L-hMxU
OHMAGAWD.
I seriously can't wait. I read the entire Chronicles of Narnia series lord knows how many years ago, and the 5th book, Voyage of the Dawn Treader, was always my favorite. Pardon my French, but it's FUCKING EPIC AS HELL!! I have never wanted to be inside a book so badly in my entire life, so now that they're making a movie out of it, it's as if my childhood dreams are coming true! Call me whatever you want, but if I can't go see this movie, I will cry.
Well maybe not CRY, but I'll be very upset. VERY upset. And until I see it, I'll probably be an annoying little tit and not stop talking about it. Or thinking about it. Do you even know how excited I am? No, you do not. Stfu.
I'm not usually one to brag about a gift I've received, but...I GOT A NEW CAMERA. And I love it! I've wanted one for quite a while because I've never really had my own, and I've always just taken pictures with my phone so I can't zoom in on stuff, and they never turn out very well. But I HAVE one now and I'm super excited :)
That's all I've got to say for now. Good night, my lovelies! Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanzaa/Hanukkah/Eid to us all!! <3
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Welcome Back to Crapids
So I'm sitting here with Leah, who's visiting my house for a few days. Woooo!
We're watching a terrible movie. Here's my review...
Name: Mega Shark versus Giant Octopus
Plot: This slut oceanographer witnesses a prehistoric octopus and shark become unfrozen when she's trying to watch whales underwater. The huge things go around the world and fuck shit up on an unimaginable scale, almost too much to believe. Many cliche movie lines and inexplicable scenes later, they come up with the brilliant idea to have the shark and octopus fight eachother to the death. The terrible acting, when combined with the obviously low budget the director had to work with, makes for a wonderfully awful film experience everyone can enjoy! Everyone but my sister, who walked out. Of our living room.
Favorite Part: It's a tie between the scene where the shark jumps out of the water to attack an airplane, and the scene where the oceanography chick randomly decides to have sex in a closet with the man she met earlier that day. I mean...what the hell??! In both cases?! Since when do sharks jump out of the water far enough to chomp an airplane? Since when does talking about seeing dead fish in a net lead to closet sex on a navy battleship?? What does anything in this movie have to do with anything?! It truly is so terrible that you can't stop watching! I mean, WOW...
I am blown away.
Last Thursday, I was watching CSI with Caitlin during a 9-hour time span where we did next to nothing. Now, the last thing I want to see during my CSI time is an unwelcome celebrity cameo, and the LAST person I want to see on my favorite TV show is Bieber. Guess who the hell decided to make a surprise guest appearance playing a troubled teenager who likes to kill cops. Oh NO he di'int...
Upset and outraged, I waited it out (because I just love CSI too much), and we watched The Mentalist. It was pretty good. But then Stacia and I decided to declare biological warfare on Bieber and it got even better :]]
Speaking of finals, I ACED all of mine! All the music ones, anyway. I have no clue how I did on math, but I really don't care, as long as I passed it. I know my dad would disagree with me and say I should try and do better than that, but the truth is, I tried my best. And honestly, I don't think I'll ever really use the stuff I attempted to learn in that class. I could care less. But the important thing is, I did well in everything that matters! And Dr. McCandless posted on fb the day after woodwind juries were over that everyone in the clarinet studio got A's on their jury, so she had cookies in her office that day! If I haven't said it before, I will now...I love how the clarinet studio is like a family <3
The other day, I went to BK and ordered chicken and a shake. The nest thing I know, I'm feeling light headed and like I'm being magnetically drawn to the bathroom. BAM. 24-hour flu. Puked, 3 times. It was gross. Then later, puked twice again at mom's brass band concert. Then LATER, puked 3 times again at home. I thought wtf, and slept most of the next day, only getting up to play snake and skype/fb chat people.
I don't remember how Stash and I got on the subject of Kim Kardashian, but have I ever mentioned how she pisses me off?? I mean, I know she must do something to contribute to the world besides just being a TV skank, but I can NOT for the life of me figure out what it is. Every time I see her on E news because of something new and whoretastic she's done, or whenever I lose the remote and get stuck on Khloe and Kourtney Take Florida (or whatever the hell it's called), I marvel at her intense addiction to her Blackberry. I am in awe of the amount of priority her self-beautification takes over anything else. I don't understand! I mean, what does she even do, sit around and be rich all the time? Lord...I can't stand it. She just bugs me.
OHHHHHH. Nolan just recommended this movie to me about an hour ago, and we're watching it...
Name: ThanksKilling
Plot: A jock, a nasty kid, a nerd, and 2 skanks are on Thanksgiving break from college. They're going to visit family and get wasted, and they hear about a possessed turkey who likes to kill people. The turkey goes on a killing spree and murders a bunch of the kids' relatives, also rapes some chick, blows the head off a random guy who offers him a ride, and swears up a storm.
Favorite Part: "GOBBLE GOBBLE, MOTHER FUCKER!"
I literally did not know what to think during this entire movie. And they tried to kill the thing at the end, and it didn't work!! It becomes radioactive because they threw it in a hazardous waste dumpster after this guy shot it in the head, and it comes back to kill again. Who comes up with this? Wierd wierd wierd wierd wierd.
Highlights:
:]]]]]]]
~Christmas in 4 days!!
~My family's going to Chi-town a few days after Christmas
~Cheeseburgers
~I just noticed...all those things started with "Ch". Haaaaaaaaaa...
Bohhhh
~Early episodes of Family Guy
~Coldddddddd
Love Ya :D
We're watching a terrible movie. Here's my review...
Name: Mega Shark versus Giant Octopus
Plot: This slut oceanographer witnesses a prehistoric octopus and shark become unfrozen when she's trying to watch whales underwater. The huge things go around the world and fuck shit up on an unimaginable scale, almost too much to believe. Many cliche movie lines and inexplicable scenes later, they come up with the brilliant idea to have the shark and octopus fight eachother to the death. The terrible acting, when combined with the obviously low budget the director had to work with, makes for a wonderfully awful film experience everyone can enjoy! Everyone but my sister, who walked out. Of our living room.
Favorite Part: It's a tie between the scene where the shark jumps out of the water to attack an airplane, and the scene where the oceanography chick randomly decides to have sex in a closet with the man she met earlier that day. I mean...what the hell??! In both cases?! Since when do sharks jump out of the water far enough to chomp an airplane? Since when does talking about seeing dead fish in a net lead to closet sex on a navy battleship?? What does anything in this movie have to do with anything?! It truly is so terrible that you can't stop watching! I mean, WOW...
I am blown away.
Last Thursday, I was watching CSI with Caitlin during a 9-hour time span where we did next to nothing. Now, the last thing I want to see during my CSI time is an unwelcome celebrity cameo, and the LAST person I want to see on my favorite TV show is Bieber. Guess who the hell decided to make a surprise guest appearance playing a troubled teenager who likes to kill cops. Oh NO he di'int...
Upset and outraged, I waited it out (because I just love CSI too much), and we watched The Mentalist. It was pretty good. But then Stacia and I decided to declare biological warfare on Bieber and it got even better :]]
Speaking of finals, I ACED all of mine! All the music ones, anyway. I have no clue how I did on math, but I really don't care, as long as I passed it. I know my dad would disagree with me and say I should try and do better than that, but the truth is, I tried my best. And honestly, I don't think I'll ever really use the stuff I attempted to learn in that class. I could care less. But the important thing is, I did well in everything that matters! And Dr. McCandless posted on fb the day after woodwind juries were over that everyone in the clarinet studio got A's on their jury, so she had cookies in her office that day! If I haven't said it before, I will now...I love how the clarinet studio is like a family <3
The other day, I went to BK and ordered chicken and a shake. The nest thing I know, I'm feeling light headed and like I'm being magnetically drawn to the bathroom. BAM. 24-hour flu. Puked, 3 times. It was gross. Then later, puked twice again at mom's brass band concert. Then LATER, puked 3 times again at home. I thought wtf, and slept most of the next day, only getting up to play snake and skype/fb chat people.
I don't remember how Stash and I got on the subject of Kim Kardashian, but have I ever mentioned how she pisses me off?? I mean, I know she must do something to contribute to the world besides just being a TV skank, but I can NOT for the life of me figure out what it is. Every time I see her on E news because of something new and whoretastic she's done, or whenever I lose the remote and get stuck on Khloe and Kourtney Take Florida (or whatever the hell it's called), I marvel at her intense addiction to her Blackberry. I am in awe of the amount of priority her self-beautification takes over anything else. I don't understand! I mean, what does she even do, sit around and be rich all the time? Lord...I can't stand it. She just bugs me.
OHHHHHH. Nolan just recommended this movie to me about an hour ago, and we're watching it...
Name: ThanksKilling
Plot: A jock, a nasty kid, a nerd, and 2 skanks are on Thanksgiving break from college. They're going to visit family and get wasted, and they hear about a possessed turkey who likes to kill people. The turkey goes on a killing spree and murders a bunch of the kids' relatives, also rapes some chick, blows the head off a random guy who offers him a ride, and swears up a storm.
Favorite Part: "GOBBLE GOBBLE, MOTHER FUCKER!"
I literally did not know what to think during this entire movie. And they tried to kill the thing at the end, and it didn't work!! It becomes radioactive because they threw it in a hazardous waste dumpster after this guy shot it in the head, and it comes back to kill again. Who comes up with this? Wierd wierd wierd wierd wierd.
Highlights:
:]]]]]]]
~Christmas in 4 days!!
~My family's going to Chi-town a few days after Christmas
~Cheeseburgers
~I just noticed...all those things started with "Ch". Haaaaaaaaaa...
Bohhhh
~Early episodes of Family Guy
~Coldddddddd
Love Ya :D
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Snow>everything :)
It's snowing.
I'm SO HAPPY.
I love things. Here's a list of things I love...
~Snow
~Music
~Good friends
~Good PEOPLE
~Chocolate
~Glow sticks
~Tea
~LOVE
~Pure happiness
~The clarinet studio
~When you find that you have something in common with someone and you both freak out because it's cool
~Individuality
~Kindness
~Harps
~Warm nostalgia
~Acing my AT final
~When someone has REALLY gorgeous eyes and you look into them and temporarily get lost
~Cute stuff
~PUPPIES
~Big crisp pieces of lettuce
~Stepping on ice on the ground and hearing that satisfying crunch
~Daydreaming
~HUGS
~When my skin is clear and pretty
~Freshly squeezed orange juice
~Eric Whitacre on a clear autumn day
~Waking up to my dad making waffles in the kitchen at 1PM, when everyone in my house is just crawling out of bed
~Surprises
~Chicken
~When people play with my hair
~Feeling useful
~Being in big cities
~Dr. McCandless
~When hard work pays off
~Laughing
~Napping
~JAZZ BAND
~Getting caught up in the moment, whether it's while I'm playing my horn or just a really nice moment with someone
~Traveling
~The moment you realize you love someone unconditionally
~Forgiving people
~Being forgiven
~Classical guitar
~Having a clear conscience
~Love between old people
~KENZIE (happy? :P )
~Sharing things I love with the world
(I will probably be adding to this list periodically)
<3 <3 <3
I'm SO HAPPY.
I love things. Here's a list of things I love...
~Snow
~Music
~Good friends
~Good PEOPLE
~Chocolate
~Glow sticks
~Tea
~LOVE
~Pure happiness
~The clarinet studio
~When you find that you have something in common with someone and you both freak out because it's cool
~Individuality
~Kindness
~Harps
~Warm nostalgia
~Acing my AT final
~When someone has REALLY gorgeous eyes and you look into them and temporarily get lost
~Cute stuff
~PUPPIES
~Big crisp pieces of lettuce
~Stepping on ice on the ground and hearing that satisfying crunch
~Daydreaming
~HUGS
~When my skin is clear and pretty
~Freshly squeezed orange juice
~Eric Whitacre on a clear autumn day
~Waking up to my dad making waffles in the kitchen at 1PM, when everyone in my house is just crawling out of bed
~Surprises
~Chicken
~When people play with my hair
~Feeling useful
~Being in big cities
~Dr. McCandless
~When hard work pays off
~Laughing
~Napping
~JAZZ BAND
~Getting caught up in the moment, whether it's while I'm playing my horn or just a really nice moment with someone
~Traveling
~The moment you realize you love someone unconditionally
~Forgiving people
~Being forgiven
~Classical guitar
~Having a clear conscience
~Love between old people
~KENZIE (happy? :P )
~Sharing things I love with the world
(I will probably be adding to this list periodically)
<3 <3 <3
Monday, December 13, 2010
SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bahahahahahah. Now that I've got your attention...
Things have definitely improved since my last post. Thanks to some wonderful people, I'm back on track and feeling much better...I love that no matter how close or far away my friends are, they always seem to be here for me and know the perfect things to cheer me up! AND, my grandma made a surprise visit to my room and brought me homemade oatmeal-chocolate-chip cookies!!!
Nomnomnomnomnom...
So my clarinet jury was today. I think I did fairly well. I spun the scale wheel ("wheel of death"), and got A. Funny, I warmed up on my A♭scale, but whatever. I walked over to the piano to tune, played a quick A and F, and Dr. Guy just starts playing without warning. I'm like, OK! We jumped right into it. It was alright. At the end of it, Dr. McCandless told me I did "very well", and Dr. Floyd was all like "You were very well prepared! Good!"
Good indeed. It was very good to hear that from them :]]
And then Dr. McCandless goes "You stayed vertical the whole time, I'm impressed!" (referring to my apparently exquisite balance in my tall shoes). "We should have a lesson in walking in heels sometime...*whispers* put all your weight on the backs of your feet!" (or was it the balls of my feet?) I can't remember...but in any case, my jury must have gone well, because the woodwind faculty members were in good humor afterwards. Barry even brought up how he met my dad at the Jazz Panthers concert back in November, when dad asked if he could plug his camera into the audio recording software...bad idea, but they made up and it was alright.
Aaaaaaaanyway. So that was that.
Only 5 more finals to go!! Tomorrow is Sightsinging...basically, I'll go in there and sing a prepared melody on solfege syllables, and get scored out of 50 points. 35 and above passes. I haven't really heard much about Mrs. Vallentine, the lady I signed up to take my test from...all I've heard is that Dr. Lee's failing a bunch of people, Dr. Washut's grading is generally difficult, and Schmitz more so than Washut.
I should explain, Dr. Lee is a different Dr. Lee than the asshole who teaches my Math In Decision Making class. This Dr. Lee is actually a very nice lady who plays the organ and has an endearing Korean accent :)
You know what's awesome? Dr. Washut sent out a holiday email to our Theory/AT/SS class!! It had this song attached to it, called Christmas In Heaven...in the email, he was all like "I'm not a religious man, but I do connect with a universal spirit or energy of some sort. This recording captures a very soulful quality, and I think it's appropriate to share with you all at this time of year. Happy Holidays, and good luck with your finals!"
I'm not religious either, but it was a good song. Not gonna lie.
On a different note...you know that feeling you get when you think someone's mad at you but you can't tell? It's obvious that I'm not a perfect person (no one is, really...), so I know I don't always do things the best way or say things in the best way that they could be said. Also, If THIS isn't obvious, I'm kind of clueless sometimes. So occasionally, something offensive might slip out. I'm not talking about swear words, I'm talking about maybe a little remark that someone in my present company might take offense to. But anyway.
This is a fragile time...finals, changing weather, people getting tired of eachother...so things are bound to get a little tense. I can feel it happening around campus. It may be subtle, but it's there.
To anyone who may be reading this and feeling frustrated, with me or anyone else, or anyTHING else...I know that things may seem aggravating and stupid right now, but listen. Whether you feel like you "can't play your instrument", or like you're dumb, or someone's bugging the living shit out of you, or like even your best friend thinks you're an annoying bitch, trust me. It might seem that way at this point, but it isn't nearly as bad as you think, and definitely not worth fretting over. Maybe you just need to cry, to get it out of your system. Maybe you just need someone to take you and run down the hallway like a maniac to relieve stress. Maybe you need to get drunk and watch an action movie. Maybe you need to take time to laugh at the little things you do with friends. Maybe you need to draw a picture for your favorite teacher. Maybe you need to stop thinking so negatively when you practice. Maybe you just need a hug.
...Maybe this holiday break can't come soon enough!!
I mean, I love UNI and all my friends to death, but lets be honest. We all need some time off :)
Saturday, December 11, 2010
To Whom It May (or may not) Concern
I am at a loss for things to say.
I have been so up and down lately that I can't even function...Today I woke up and didn't feel like doing anything. Last night was so unbearably boring that I ended up sitting there and doing nothing for close to 5 hours. I literally felt no emotion. This morning, it was snowing, and when on a normal day I would be one excited little tit, I was mildly enthused for a while, then continued to be somewhat miserable.
I got back to my room about half an hour ago, and as soon as Alex left the room I started crying uncontrollably. What is this...
My motivation is gone - I tried to clean my room and gave up halfway through, I need to do laundry so badly that it's gotten to the point where I'm walking around in sweats all the time, I've completely lost my appetite...I can't even play my damn clarinet anymore. All I want to do is sleep.
I'm sorry, all I'm doing is complaining...but I'm tired of being able to think of nothing but my fear that I'll never be good enough, or that no matter how many friends I may be surrounded with, right now, I feel alone.
AKSJHGALHGLAFDKJGHLKDFJGLKAFJGHALKJHGLAFDJGLGKFKJGSHD.
I have been so up and down lately that I can't even function...Today I woke up and didn't feel like doing anything. Last night was so unbearably boring that I ended up sitting there and doing nothing for close to 5 hours. I literally felt no emotion. This morning, it was snowing, and when on a normal day I would be one excited little tit, I was mildly enthused for a while, then continued to be somewhat miserable.
I got back to my room about half an hour ago, and as soon as Alex left the room I started crying uncontrollably. What is this...
My motivation is gone - I tried to clean my room and gave up halfway through, I need to do laundry so badly that it's gotten to the point where I'm walking around in sweats all the time, I've completely lost my appetite...I can't even play my damn clarinet anymore. All I want to do is sleep.
I'm sorry, all I'm doing is complaining...but I'm tired of being able to think of nothing but my fear that I'll never be good enough, or that no matter how many friends I may be surrounded with, right now, I feel alone.
AKSJHGALHGLAFDKJGHLKDFJGLKAFJGHALKJHGLAFDJGLGKFKJGSHD.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Excuse me?
Sophie wants you to watch this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPOmMKw_P00&feature=player_embedded
I ripped my fingernail off tonight...not the whole thing, just half of it, but it still hurt pretty bad. While I was practicing flute. Then Stacia stopped by, and that was the end of that (the practicing part. My fingernail was still gone. But yeah)
So this past week, everyone in the school of music has been frantically running around panicking about juries. If you don't know what a jury is, it's like the final for your lessons on your instrument at the end of the semester. Everyone who takes applied lessons does them, and everyone has to scramble to find an accompanist. Luckily, I found Dr. Guy right away, so there were no problems; some people weren't so lucky. Abbey keeps having issues with scheduling rehearsals with her accompanist, and I feel like that would suck to have to deal with that...but at least it's not like this one trumpet kid we all know, who still doesn't have one and we believe is making no effort to find one. It's like, WTF? You're a music major, shouldn't you care more than that? What a fool.
But anyway, I feel really well prepared. Dr. McCandless seems to think so too, which makes me extra confident in what I'm doing :]]]]]]]
At this point in the semester, I seriously can't wait for it to be over. I want finals to be done.
My lovely roommate, Alex, is moving out :/
She wants to live in Hagemann, the building next to Noehren, where we live. Which is totally fine, Hagemann is a great building; It's cleaner, quieter, and very rarely smells like ass (as opposed to it frequently smelling like ass, and BO, here in our hallway). When she first told me she was leaving, a million thoughts ran through my head..."Holy tits, what did I do?" "Who am I gonna room with now?"
(Actually those were the only 2 thoughts that went through my head, but w/e)
Suddenly, along came a solution - Caitlin McKenney! She's moving in with me at semester, and I'm super stoked. This place is gonna be a party, and we're gonna have the best door sign ever. Wicka what!
This morning, I walked into the bathroom and was greeted by a toilet paper mess all over the floor. The trash was nowhere in sight. I thought what the hell, how drunk were the girls on my floor this time?? As if it isn't bad enough that they drop trash in the hallway and forget about it (even while sober), create large stains on the carpet that look suspiciously like pee, and interrupt my 3AM showers with loud chatter while sitting on the toilet. THE TOILET...aghhh!! So I went to use my favorite toilet stall, the one on the far right, and WHAT did my eyes behold me? Aquafina bottle. Sticking right up out the bowl. Empty bag of Lays Sour Cream and Onion chips on the floor. Apparently people in college get hungry while taking a dump. That, or something far nastier had occurred...I prefer not to know. Bottom line, I was grossed out. I now had to choose between using the stall with the period garbage sticking out of the trash, the one with the hole in the door, or the one that flushes for like 10 minutes straight. Shoot, girl, I'd take the annoyance of a lengthy flush over that other crap any day.
OH and BTW, imagine this whole scene taking place to the tune of Bing Crosby's "White Christmas"...cuz that's what was playing on the radio this whole time. LOL.
I LOVE JAZZ BAND!! (here's why.)
~The people in my jazz band are amazing. We're such a wide range of personalities, and most of us get along well, so it's awesome. And the gigs at The Hub?! Damn!! Those are such a riot! I always feel so in-the-moment...It's the best.
~Dr. Washut. Nothing I can say in a blog post can do justice to such a man. He is THE man, and he makes jazz band a blast. Whether it's a quirky thing he says, a strange analogy of some kind, or any other instance of awesome, we all love Dr. Washut and his shenanigans.
~We play such sweet stuff!! It's so different than what they play in Jazz One, too...it's more classic. Which I like. Too much contemporary all the time can wear a girl down, yo.
~BASS CLARINET. Idk if I've ever said anything about it, but I love bass clarinet. As if I didn't love it enough already before...I heard Chris Potter wail on it at the IA City Jazz Fest 3 years ago, and was hooked. There's just something about it...it calls to me!! So when Dr. Washut handed me the part for a bass clarinet feature...lord. That's all I'll say about that.
Tom update:
We hung out again. He may or may not have held my hand, and given off some signals...ahhhhhh. He's SO hard to read though, and I'm still nervous because, just as before, there's NO WAY for me to be sure of how he feels about me. Or anyone. He's got an air of mystery, that Tom. On the downside, I found out he loves weed. Greeeaattttt *~*
Highlights...
:]]]]]]]
~I'm going to NYC with Toni over spring break! Heyohhhhhhh!!!
~Katie Hawks dyed her hair green...(why? I'm anxious to find out)
~I got a little less terrible at the flute today
~Watching Stacia try to play the flute...cute shit :P
~Got into all the classes I wanted/needed!!
~Vacuumed the rug in our room
BOHHHH
~The new Facebook profile layout - WTF
~Failed to take out the recycling from our room
~Can't handle mexican food...especially corn salsa from Pablo's
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPOmMKw_P00&feature=player_embedded
I ripped my fingernail off tonight...not the whole thing, just half of it, but it still hurt pretty bad. While I was practicing flute. Then Stacia stopped by, and that was the end of that (the practicing part. My fingernail was still gone. But yeah)
So this past week, everyone in the school of music has been frantically running around panicking about juries. If you don't know what a jury is, it's like the final for your lessons on your instrument at the end of the semester. Everyone who takes applied lessons does them, and everyone has to scramble to find an accompanist. Luckily, I found Dr. Guy right away, so there were no problems; some people weren't so lucky. Abbey keeps having issues with scheduling rehearsals with her accompanist, and I feel like that would suck to have to deal with that...but at least it's not like this one trumpet kid we all know, who still doesn't have one and we believe is making no effort to find one. It's like, WTF? You're a music major, shouldn't you care more than that? What a fool.
But anyway, I feel really well prepared. Dr. McCandless seems to think so too, which makes me extra confident in what I'm doing :]]]]]]]
At this point in the semester, I seriously can't wait for it to be over. I want finals to be done.
My lovely roommate, Alex, is moving out :/
She wants to live in Hagemann, the building next to Noehren, where we live. Which is totally fine, Hagemann is a great building; It's cleaner, quieter, and very rarely smells like ass (as opposed to it frequently smelling like ass, and BO, here in our hallway). When she first told me she was leaving, a million thoughts ran through my head..."Holy tits, what did I do?" "Who am I gonna room with now?"
(Actually those were the only 2 thoughts that went through my head, but w/e)
Suddenly, along came a solution - Caitlin McKenney! She's moving in with me at semester, and I'm super stoked. This place is gonna be a party, and we're gonna have the best door sign ever. Wicka what!
This morning, I walked into the bathroom and was greeted by a toilet paper mess all over the floor. The trash was nowhere in sight. I thought what the hell, how drunk were the girls on my floor this time?? As if it isn't bad enough that they drop trash in the hallway and forget about it (even while sober), create large stains on the carpet that look suspiciously like pee, and interrupt my 3AM showers with loud chatter while sitting on the toilet. THE TOILET...aghhh!! So I went to use my favorite toilet stall, the one on the far right, and WHAT did my eyes behold me? Aquafina bottle. Sticking right up out the bowl. Empty bag of Lays Sour Cream and Onion chips on the floor. Apparently people in college get hungry while taking a dump. That, or something far nastier had occurred...I prefer not to know. Bottom line, I was grossed out. I now had to choose between using the stall with the period garbage sticking out of the trash, the one with the hole in the door, or the one that flushes for like 10 minutes straight. Shoot, girl, I'd take the annoyance of a lengthy flush over that other crap any day.
OH and BTW, imagine this whole scene taking place to the tune of Bing Crosby's "White Christmas"...cuz that's what was playing on the radio this whole time. LOL.
I LOVE JAZZ BAND!! (here's why.)
~The people in my jazz band are amazing. We're such a wide range of personalities, and most of us get along well, so it's awesome. And the gigs at The Hub?! Damn!! Those are such a riot! I always feel so in-the-moment...It's the best.
~Dr. Washut. Nothing I can say in a blog post can do justice to such a man. He is THE man, and he makes jazz band a blast. Whether it's a quirky thing he says, a strange analogy of some kind, or any other instance of awesome, we all love Dr. Washut and his shenanigans.
~We play such sweet stuff!! It's so different than what they play in Jazz One, too...it's more classic. Which I like. Too much contemporary all the time can wear a girl down, yo.
~BASS CLARINET. Idk if I've ever said anything about it, but I love bass clarinet. As if I didn't love it enough already before...I heard Chris Potter wail on it at the IA City Jazz Fest 3 years ago, and was hooked. There's just something about it...it calls to me!! So when Dr. Washut handed me the part for a bass clarinet feature...lord. That's all I'll say about that.
Tom update:
We hung out again. He may or may not have held my hand, and given off some signals...ahhhhhh. He's SO hard to read though, and I'm still nervous because, just as before, there's NO WAY for me to be sure of how he feels about me. Or anyone. He's got an air of mystery, that Tom. On the downside, I found out he loves weed. Greeeaattttt *~*
Highlights...
:]]]]]]]
~I'm going to NYC with Toni over spring break! Heyohhhhhhh!!!
~Katie Hawks dyed her hair green...(why? I'm anxious to find out)
~I got a little less terrible at the flute today
~Watching Stacia try to play the flute...cute shit :P
~Got into all the classes I wanted/needed!!
~Vacuumed the rug in our room
BOHHHH
~The new Facebook profile layout - WTF
~Failed to take out the recycling from our room
~Can't handle mexican food...especially corn salsa from Pablo's
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Now listen! This is important!
Actually it's not. Ha.
I'm gonna warn you right now. This post is my giant ball of stress being released. I need to get some stuff out, BAD. The world isn't all sunshine and farts, and as it seems, the weeks leading up to finals are a time when a great number of college students come to that harsh realization. So if you don't want to hear me vent and sob uncontrollably through words, please leave now.
You know what I hate? Being a freshman. This whole signing up for classes thing is entirely too stressful! As if the fact that freshmen have to wait the longest to sign up isn't enough, I have to wait until the LAST day we're assigned to sign up. I worry about my classes being full. I'm also having financial issues again...from now on, no spending. On anything. Looks like the schweekends are either gonna get really complicated, or go on hold for a while :/
I'm in a serious funk, and it's both pissing me off and making me super moody. On top of that, I'm expecting an unpleasant visitor any day now. Great.
Today, I flipped out on one of my friends from high school for the way some of our other friends (and she herself sometmes) treated me back then. I won't go into detail about how the conversation got started, but ohhhhh I was pissed...I held back from using profanity and was as polite to her as I could muster, and I think she honestly felt bad. Surprisingly, we've become a lot better friends since we graduated, even though we're miles and miles apart. I think it's because the high school environment does things to people...
Sometimes, I wish there was a button I could push to erase the past...or parts of it, anyway. I think back to my years at Wash specifically, during which I let a lot of things get to me. You've heard tell of a classic scenario, where there's a girl who all the other girls make "friends" with, then end up bullying her for being an individual, or because she stands out? I was that girl. I didn't choose to be the way I am for the sake of going against the grain, I chose to be what I wanted to be because it was what I was used to. I had been taught to appreciate differences, and everyone had always let me be myself without consequence. That's how the world is supposed to work, but not how it worked with these people.
At first I took it as a joke when they would tell me I looked like trash, or that a teacher hated me for being late to class, or made fun of me for whatever else. I brushed it off, thinking they were just playing around...but after a while, it gets old. I would ask them to stop, trying to talk it out, and they would take pity on me for a little while; but it always started up again. At some point, it had gone so far that I began to believe the things they were saying about me.
"I always sit second to you because you're the favorite...I know I'm more prepared than you are. You just get everything you want, and you don't even have to work for it."
"Why are you wearing that? You do realize that's ugly..."
"This is why you have trouble meeting guys...seriously, you need to stop being trashy."
"Oh my god...Madeline's happy. It's probably something stupid."
"Was anyone talking to you? No. Shut up."
"You're so clumsy, I wonder how anyone can trust you around anything expensive."
And the worst one:
"We only say these things to you because we love you."
I hate to sound like a whiny bitch, but when you hear things like that on a daily basis, it kind of convinces you that they're true. (Except, sadly, the last one.)
I''ve changed, for the better, in a lot of ways since high school...I know I've only been in college for 3 1/2 months, but a lot can happen in that amount of time. I feel like I've grown, not only physically from eating more, but emotionally and mentally, from my new found independence. It's made me look back on some things and wish I had acted differently, and look back on others and not want to change them at all. I feel bad for doing stupid little senioritis things like being late to jazz band rehearsal and not caring about AP US Government or Econ, but there's nothing I can do about it now. I can only hope that in the future, when I go back and visit, my old band directors, teachers, and friends will see an improvement in my character and professionalism. I feel bad for being slightly out of control during my senior year...in a lot of ways, I've calmed down and become more reasonable, which comes from learning certain things the hard way.
Let me tell you...I have worked DAMN hard to be the musician I am today. I know I'm nowhere near the best, but I am proud of what I've accomplished through hard work. For anyone to think I don't work hard to earn the things that I have..that hurts.
I feel misunderstood. There's a difference between joking/enthusiasm, and legitimately having an ego. I know I like to joke around; I'll be sassy or funny sometimes, but in NO WAY does that reflect how I feel about myself. Truth be told, I'm very critical of myself in some ways - I rarely feel good about a solo I've played, I worry what people think of me, and I hate having unnecessary attention drawn to me. If I receive some sort of special honor, I hate talking to people about it (unless they ask me) because it just doesn't feel right to speak highly of myself. I like to think I'm humble, but correct me of I'm wrong.
Idk...
I'm a mess right now.
TOM UPDATE:
We hung out last week. It was fun, but I have that ever-present feeling that it's just not gonna happen...I hope that's just my mood talking, but I really don't know. I asked him if he wanted to hang out again, like just us, and he made this cute little thinking face and said "Yeah, lets do it!" But I haven't seen him much since we've been back in school...He's SO hard to read! I just want him to one of these days, come up to me and just flat out give me answers to my burning questions. It would go something like this...
Madeline: Could you ever see us being more than friends??
Tom: NO STFU
or...
Tom: Yeah, maybe. We should hang out more!
If only I weren't so goddamn clueless about this kind of thing. I want to be sure, but there's no way of being sure when he's so short-worded and awkward. Balls. This is just not going well.
Ohhhh lord I need to try and cheer up.
I love Dr. McCandless, I really do. She's such an admirable person. Every time I interact with her, her professionalism never falters; and yet, we can still joke around in my lessons. I feel like I've learned so much from her, not only about the clarinet, but about how professional musicians should act. I come away from each lesson having learned something new, whether it's about the clarinet itself, the piece I'm playing, a composer or historical figure, or what it means to be a performer. She just seems to know a whole freaking lot about a lot of things. And she's really good at understanding her students. I can think of several occasions when I've had a bad day or something, and she's had encouraging words for me and even let me reschedule for later in the week (if I'd been sick). Her faith in her students, her positive attitude, and her professionalism are inspiring. I'm proud to have her as a teacher!
Ummmmmmmmmmm...
Things I'm looking forward to:
~Juries. I feel really well prepared!
~The end of the semester. That'll be nice.
~I'm like 99% sure I'll be playing in the pit for Sweeney Todd at TCR (Theater Cedar Rapids) this February. The music director just needs to make the final decisions about how many players to use for WW, Brass, and Strings...but I'm at the top of the list for WW's so I'm feeling pretty good about it!
~Going to the Dave Holland concert in January with Leah and Toni - CHRIS POTTER OMGOMGOMG.
~More snow!
~2 concerts this week, Clarinet Ensemble tomorrow night and jazz bands at the Hub Thursday night. Yay.
~No group piano tomorrow
...Fin
I'm gonna warn you right now. This post is my giant ball of stress being released. I need to get some stuff out, BAD. The world isn't all sunshine and farts, and as it seems, the weeks leading up to finals are a time when a great number of college students come to that harsh realization. So if you don't want to hear me vent and sob uncontrollably through words, please leave now.
You know what I hate? Being a freshman. This whole signing up for classes thing is entirely too stressful! As if the fact that freshmen have to wait the longest to sign up isn't enough, I have to wait until the LAST day we're assigned to sign up. I worry about my classes being full. I'm also having financial issues again...from now on, no spending. On anything. Looks like the schweekends are either gonna get really complicated, or go on hold for a while :/
I'm in a serious funk, and it's both pissing me off and making me super moody. On top of that, I'm expecting an unpleasant visitor any day now. Great.
Today, I flipped out on one of my friends from high school for the way some of our other friends (and she herself sometmes) treated me back then. I won't go into detail about how the conversation got started, but ohhhhh I was pissed...I held back from using profanity and was as polite to her as I could muster, and I think she honestly felt bad. Surprisingly, we've become a lot better friends since we graduated, even though we're miles and miles apart. I think it's because the high school environment does things to people...
Sometimes, I wish there was a button I could push to erase the past...or parts of it, anyway. I think back to my years at Wash specifically, during which I let a lot of things get to me. You've heard tell of a classic scenario, where there's a girl who all the other girls make "friends" with, then end up bullying her for being an individual, or because she stands out? I was that girl. I didn't choose to be the way I am for the sake of going against the grain, I chose to be what I wanted to be because it was what I was used to. I had been taught to appreciate differences, and everyone had always let me be myself without consequence. That's how the world is supposed to work, but not how it worked with these people.
At first I took it as a joke when they would tell me I looked like trash, or that a teacher hated me for being late to class, or made fun of me for whatever else. I brushed it off, thinking they were just playing around...but after a while, it gets old. I would ask them to stop, trying to talk it out, and they would take pity on me for a little while; but it always started up again. At some point, it had gone so far that I began to believe the things they were saying about me.
"I always sit second to you because you're the favorite...I know I'm more prepared than you are. You just get everything you want, and you don't even have to work for it."
"Why are you wearing that? You do realize that's ugly..."
"This is why you have trouble meeting guys...seriously, you need to stop being trashy."
"Oh my god...Madeline's happy. It's probably something stupid."
"Was anyone talking to you? No. Shut up."
"You're so clumsy, I wonder how anyone can trust you around anything expensive."
And the worst one:
"We only say these things to you because we love you."
I hate to sound like a whiny bitch, but when you hear things like that on a daily basis, it kind of convinces you that they're true. (Except, sadly, the last one.)
I''ve changed, for the better, in a lot of ways since high school...I know I've only been in college for 3 1/2 months, but a lot can happen in that amount of time. I feel like I've grown, not only physically from eating more, but emotionally and mentally, from my new found independence. It's made me look back on some things and wish I had acted differently, and look back on others and not want to change them at all. I feel bad for doing stupid little senioritis things like being late to jazz band rehearsal and not caring about AP US Government or Econ, but there's nothing I can do about it now. I can only hope that in the future, when I go back and visit, my old band directors, teachers, and friends will see an improvement in my character and professionalism. I feel bad for being slightly out of control during my senior year...in a lot of ways, I've calmed down and become more reasonable, which comes from learning certain things the hard way.
Let me tell you...I have worked DAMN hard to be the musician I am today. I know I'm nowhere near the best, but I am proud of what I've accomplished through hard work. For anyone to think I don't work hard to earn the things that I have..that hurts.
I feel misunderstood. There's a difference between joking/enthusiasm, and legitimately having an ego. I know I like to joke around; I'll be sassy or funny sometimes, but in NO WAY does that reflect how I feel about myself. Truth be told, I'm very critical of myself in some ways - I rarely feel good about a solo I've played, I worry what people think of me, and I hate having unnecessary attention drawn to me. If I receive some sort of special honor, I hate talking to people about it (unless they ask me) because it just doesn't feel right to speak highly of myself. I like to think I'm humble, but correct me of I'm wrong.
Idk...
I'm a mess right now.
TOM UPDATE:
We hung out last week. It was fun, but I have that ever-present feeling that it's just not gonna happen...I hope that's just my mood talking, but I really don't know. I asked him if he wanted to hang out again, like just us, and he made this cute little thinking face and said "Yeah, lets do it!" But I haven't seen him much since we've been back in school...He's SO hard to read! I just want him to one of these days, come up to me and just flat out give me answers to my burning questions. It would go something like this...
Madeline: Could you ever see us being more than friends??
Tom: NO STFU
or...
Tom: Yeah, maybe. We should hang out more!
If only I weren't so goddamn clueless about this kind of thing. I want to be sure, but there's no way of being sure when he's so short-worded and awkward. Balls. This is just not going well.
Ohhhh lord I need to try and cheer up.
I love Dr. McCandless, I really do. She's such an admirable person. Every time I interact with her, her professionalism never falters; and yet, we can still joke around in my lessons. I feel like I've learned so much from her, not only about the clarinet, but about how professional musicians should act. I come away from each lesson having learned something new, whether it's about the clarinet itself, the piece I'm playing, a composer or historical figure, or what it means to be a performer. She just seems to know a whole freaking lot about a lot of things. And she's really good at understanding her students. I can think of several occasions when I've had a bad day or something, and she's had encouraging words for me and even let me reschedule for later in the week (if I'd been sick). Her faith in her students, her positive attitude, and her professionalism are inspiring. I'm proud to have her as a teacher!
Ummmmmmmmmmm...
Things I'm looking forward to:
~Juries. I feel really well prepared!
~The end of the semester. That'll be nice.
~I'm like 99% sure I'll be playing in the pit for Sweeney Todd at TCR (Theater Cedar Rapids) this February. The music director just needs to make the final decisions about how many players to use for WW, Brass, and Strings...but I'm at the top of the list for WW's so I'm feeling pretty good about it!
~Going to the Dave Holland concert in January with Leah and Toni - CHRIS POTTER OMGOMGOMG.
~More snow!
~2 concerts this week, Clarinet Ensemble tomorrow night and jazz bands at the Hub Thursday night. Yay.
~No group piano tomorrow
...Fin
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Near, Far, Wherever You Are...you better watch out.
I have watched 3 movies within the past 24 hours. Here's what I think of each one and why...
Film #1: The Hangover
Approx. time watched: 3 AM
Overview: Yeah, I had never seen it before until then. BFD. I loved it though! Completely ridiculous, but funny as hell. I mean, who drugs their friends? On top of a roof?? Obviously creepy bearded dudes named Alan. And how the hell did the one guy end up on the roof in the end? Why didn't he get down somehow? He had all damn day! That does not make sense to me. And why would that one chick just leave her baby outside a hotel room with 3 guys that she knew would be hung over? Why does Mike Tyson own a tiger and keep it as a pet? Then again, why ANYTHING in this movie...haha. Good job, people who made it. I was sufficiently entertained.
Favorite part: Mr. Chau!!! HAH!!! Wtf is this dude!!! Whoever came up with that character is damn brilliant. Seriously.
Film #2: Wizard Of Oz
Approx. time watched: 7 PM
Overview: If you don't know this movie, well...you can stfu. I watched this with my family and we pretty much spent the whole time making fun of Dorothy and deciding which character best fit each of us. This is what we came up with: Madeline = Auntie M (wtf), Dad = Tin Man, Lucy = Glenda the Good Witch of the North, Mom = the giant wizard head.
Favorite part: when the Wizard is like "I KNOW WHY YOU HAVE ALL COME..." and he calls them all forward one by one, insults them, tells them why he thinks they're there, and immediately orders them to stfu. HAAAAAAAAA :]]]]]]]
Film #3: Titanic
Approx. time watched: 9 PM
Overview: Rose and Jack's love story = he convinces her not to kill herself because her fiance is a douchebag, they have an "Oh, we can't be together..." moment, she changes her mind, they make out, he draws her naked, they do it in a car. Then the ship starts to sink and all hell breaks loose - the rich prick fiance frames Jack for stealing the huge-ass diamond, Rose refuses to get on the lifeboat, James Cameron makes it clear that 90% of all rich people in the early 20th century were assholes, the ship goes underwater, sad "we're about to die" scenes occur, Jack freezes to death in the water, Rose stays alive on a floating door and gets saved by people with common sense.
Favorite part: the moment Rose realizes she can't stand her life as a rich girl who does what high society thinks she should do, and goes back to Jack. NO REGRETS!
Also, watching my mother impersonate Celine Dion whenever that one theme was played. LOL.
Ok, so I feel like I need to confess something...you know how everyone has certain things that they don't tell many people, but are just begging to be told? Well. Lately, I've felt pressured to admit to an obsession of mine that I can hold in no longer...90's Britney Spears.
Don't you judge me. I don't know what it is that caused me to like Britney so much in the first place - I think it was when I was like 8, Lucy and our bff Savannah used to listen to her all the time. I never did initially, but once I started, I was hooked. When a Britney song came on, I let go of all shame. I sang along, and couldn't stop dancing.
Now we all know about all the Britney-centered stories in the tabloids, and we all know she's had problems in her life. But you know what? I DON'T CARE! I honestly feel bad for her. Sure, she isn't what she used to be...that doesn't mean she was never a good person!! Everyone goes through some kind of crisis, but that shouldn't cause us to forget how Britney was before she procreated, had a mental breakdown, went on a stress-induced drug rampage, and married a total dick. How would that NOT affect her career?? Wouldn't you have died a little inside too if you had experienced what she did?? Wouldn't you have gone a bit crazy, just as she had? Lord, she's a HUMAN BEING. And I happen to be a huge fan of her earlier songs. I think we can all agree, her new stuff sucks balls. Completely. But what girl who grew up in the late 90's can honestly say she doesn't know the words to "Oops! I Did It Again", "Toxic", or "Baby One More Time"?
Shoot.
Highlights...
:]]]]]]]
~Thanksgiving was great! This whole break has been pretty awesome.
~My face is clearing up :D
~Going back to UNI tomorrow - WOOOOOOOOO
BOHHHH
~NICKI MINAJ
~It hasn't snowed yet :/
~The smell of pickles
Film #1: The Hangover
Approx. time watched: 3 AM
Overview: Yeah, I had never seen it before until then. BFD. I loved it though! Completely ridiculous, but funny as hell. I mean, who drugs their friends? On top of a roof?? Obviously creepy bearded dudes named Alan. And how the hell did the one guy end up on the roof in the end? Why didn't he get down somehow? He had all damn day! That does not make sense to me. And why would that one chick just leave her baby outside a hotel room with 3 guys that she knew would be hung over? Why does Mike Tyson own a tiger and keep it as a pet? Then again, why ANYTHING in this movie...haha. Good job, people who made it. I was sufficiently entertained.
Favorite part: Mr. Chau!!! HAH!!! Wtf is this dude!!! Whoever came up with that character is damn brilliant. Seriously.
Film #2: Wizard Of Oz
Approx. time watched: 7 PM
Overview: If you don't know this movie, well...you can stfu. I watched this with my family and we pretty much spent the whole time making fun of Dorothy and deciding which character best fit each of us. This is what we came up with: Madeline = Auntie M (wtf), Dad = Tin Man, Lucy = Glenda the Good Witch of the North, Mom = the giant wizard head.
Favorite part: when the Wizard is like "I KNOW WHY YOU HAVE ALL COME..." and he calls them all forward one by one, insults them, tells them why he thinks they're there, and immediately orders them to stfu. HAAAAAAAAA :]]]]]]]
Film #3: Titanic
Approx. time watched: 9 PM
Overview: Rose and Jack's love story = he convinces her not to kill herself because her fiance is a douchebag, they have an "Oh, we can't be together..." moment, she changes her mind, they make out, he draws her naked, they do it in a car. Then the ship starts to sink and all hell breaks loose - the rich prick fiance frames Jack for stealing the huge-ass diamond, Rose refuses to get on the lifeboat, James Cameron makes it clear that 90% of all rich people in the early 20th century were assholes, the ship goes underwater, sad "we're about to die" scenes occur, Jack freezes to death in the water, Rose stays alive on a floating door and gets saved by people with common sense.
Favorite part: the moment Rose realizes she can't stand her life as a rich girl who does what high society thinks she should do, and goes back to Jack. NO REGRETS!
Also, watching my mother impersonate Celine Dion whenever that one theme was played. LOL.
Ok, so I feel like I need to confess something...you know how everyone has certain things that they don't tell many people, but are just begging to be told? Well. Lately, I've felt pressured to admit to an obsession of mine that I can hold in no longer...90's Britney Spears.
Don't you judge me. I don't know what it is that caused me to like Britney so much in the first place - I think it was when I was like 8, Lucy and our bff Savannah used to listen to her all the time. I never did initially, but once I started, I was hooked. When a Britney song came on, I let go of all shame. I sang along, and couldn't stop dancing.
Now we all know about all the Britney-centered stories in the tabloids, and we all know she's had problems in her life. But you know what? I DON'T CARE! I honestly feel bad for her. Sure, she isn't what she used to be...that doesn't mean she was never a good person!! Everyone goes through some kind of crisis, but that shouldn't cause us to forget how Britney was before she procreated, had a mental breakdown, went on a stress-induced drug rampage, and married a total dick. How would that NOT affect her career?? Wouldn't you have died a little inside too if you had experienced what she did?? Wouldn't you have gone a bit crazy, just as she had? Lord, she's a HUMAN BEING. And I happen to be a huge fan of her earlier songs. I think we can all agree, her new stuff sucks balls. Completely. But what girl who grew up in the late 90's can honestly say she doesn't know the words to "Oops! I Did It Again", "Toxic", or "Baby One More Time"?
Shoot.
Highlights...
:]]]]]]]
~Thanksgiving was great! This whole break has been pretty awesome.
~My face is clearing up :D
~Going back to UNI tomorrow - WOOOOOOOOO
BOHHHH
~NICKI MINAJ
~It hasn't snowed yet :/
~The smell of pickles
Friday, November 26, 2010
I AM ALIVE
My system is so wrought with caffeine right now. HUHUHHHHUHUUHUHH
Literally, JUST got home. I went to Black Friday. I saw the destruction. I conquered the crowds of ravenous consumers. AND, I am still alive.
I went with my girl Kenzie, her 2 sisters, and my other girl Sophie. Several times along the way, our motives were questioned, at which point we chose to simply quit whining and go all out. As Kenzie put it, "Go big or go home." Well. We had already skipped out on sleeping, and we were already there. We weren't about to go home.
I'm not in my right state of mind at the moment, so here's my brief reflection on the mother of all shopping days...
Each store we went to, I'm glad we got there early. Entertaining things happen when you have to wait in line for a long time. Outside Old Navy, we thought of different things the letters "B.A." could stand for, other than the obvious. Having been told to use my filter around Dannica, Kenzie's younger sister, I suggested "Big Anteater" and "Butt Ache".
While waiting for Target to open, we somehow got on the topic of the neighborhood I grew up in, Wellington Heights (AKA the CR Ghetto). Naturally, I felt proud to have been raised in "The Hood", and for whatever reason felt like I needed to act like a gangsta. Next thing I know, who comes around the corner but none other than Kennon Meyer, who I haven't seen in forever; "Madeline Freaking Young!! I knew that was your voice!! I'd recognize it anywhere - I could hear you from all the way back there!!" *Reunion*
Haha. That girl. We go back a ways.
Anyway. So we get inside Target...Christ on a crutch, I have never seen such mayhem in a damned department store. We're talking arrows on the floor to show which way the checkout lines are supposed to snake around, aisles literally packed with people trying to make their way to different departments, entire sections of the store blocked off by caution tape, that kind of thing. Somehow I got stuck pushing the cart. Lord.
I had no idea I was such a skilled cart-pusher! Seriously! When we decided to move to a different part of the store, everyone else would go ahead, leaving me and the cart behind. Every time, I feel like I managed to find the group again with exceptional speed and grace. Good thing I'm naturally polite to strangers...let me tell you. It really helps when you're surrounded by crazed shoppers and slightly afraid for your life. "Sorry...excuse me...sorry...not trying to cut in line, I just need to get through here...sorry...excuse me...excuse me ma'am...sorry..."
Then I went to get coffee, which I'm never doing on Black Friday again. Stupid Starbuck's...why do you have to be so delicious?!? So many people in that line. I swear, it took just as long to get my triple grande mocha as it did to wait in the checkout line, of not longer. Idk. We won't get into that...I feel bad for anyone who worked there. Either at Target or Starbucks IN Target. (Shoutout to Leah, who will be working 8 hours in the fitting room at the Des Moines Target today - good work!! Wicka Word!)
*sigh*...'tis teh season. It was fun though :P
Literally, JUST got home. I went to Black Friday. I saw the destruction. I conquered the crowds of ravenous consumers. AND, I am still alive.
I went with my girl Kenzie, her 2 sisters, and my other girl Sophie. Several times along the way, our motives were questioned, at which point we chose to simply quit whining and go all out. As Kenzie put it, "Go big or go home." Well. We had already skipped out on sleeping, and we were already there. We weren't about to go home.
I'm not in my right state of mind at the moment, so here's my brief reflection on the mother of all shopping days...
Each store we went to, I'm glad we got there early. Entertaining things happen when you have to wait in line for a long time. Outside Old Navy, we thought of different things the letters "B.A." could stand for, other than the obvious. Having been told to use my filter around Dannica, Kenzie's younger sister, I suggested "Big Anteater" and "Butt Ache".
While waiting for Target to open, we somehow got on the topic of the neighborhood I grew up in, Wellington Heights (AKA the CR Ghetto). Naturally, I felt proud to have been raised in "The Hood", and for whatever reason felt like I needed to act like a gangsta. Next thing I know, who comes around the corner but none other than Kennon Meyer, who I haven't seen in forever; "Madeline Freaking Young!! I knew that was your voice!! I'd recognize it anywhere - I could hear you from all the way back there!!" *Reunion*
Haha. That girl. We go back a ways.
Anyway. So we get inside Target...Christ on a crutch, I have never seen such mayhem in a damned department store. We're talking arrows on the floor to show which way the checkout lines are supposed to snake around, aisles literally packed with people trying to make their way to different departments, entire sections of the store blocked off by caution tape, that kind of thing. Somehow I got stuck pushing the cart. Lord.
I had no idea I was such a skilled cart-pusher! Seriously! When we decided to move to a different part of the store, everyone else would go ahead, leaving me and the cart behind. Every time, I feel like I managed to find the group again with exceptional speed and grace. Good thing I'm naturally polite to strangers...let me tell you. It really helps when you're surrounded by crazed shoppers and slightly afraid for your life. "Sorry...excuse me...sorry...not trying to cut in line, I just need to get through here...sorry...excuse me...excuse me ma'am...sorry..."
Then I went to get coffee, which I'm never doing on Black Friday again. Stupid Starbuck's...why do you have to be so delicious?!? So many people in that line. I swear, it took just as long to get my triple grande mocha as it did to wait in the checkout line, of not longer. Idk. We won't get into that...I feel bad for anyone who worked there. Either at Target or Starbucks IN Target. (Shoutout to Leah, who will be working 8 hours in the fitting room at the Des Moines Target today - good work!! Wicka Word!)
*sigh*...'tis teh season. It was fun though :P
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Israel
Someone from Israel reads my blog!!! Cool :D
Today is Thanksgiving. A day for us Americans to give thanks to whoever we give thanks to, for whatever we want to give thanks for. Usually Thanksgiving is a day to mark the celebration of the very first Thanksgiving in our homeland. Now I could go into a story about the pilgrims and corn and all that mess, but I'd rather not. So, here's what I'm thankful for...
FIrst thing's first, I should establish WHO I'm thanking for these things. I'm just gonna come right out and say it, I don't believe in God. I have no shame in admitting this, because I know that in my life, I've managed to surround myself with people who won't judge me for it. Instead of thanking God or Jesus or Krishna or Mohammed or whatever else, I choose to thank LIFE; in all actuality, I believe we are all responsible for our own lives and living them the way decent, honest, compassionate people ought to. In a perfect world, we would only get out of life what we put into it; but occasionally it doesn't work that way, and life returns more to us than we give it - which is what we call good fortune. I thank life for cool people, who no matter how religious or non-religious they may be, will not only NOT think less of me, but will accept and love me as an atheist.
(I apologize in advance if the level of cheesiness in the following passage is too high. It's the truth, and if you don't like it, well...)
Secondly, and I hate to sound cliche for even a second, but I'm thankful for the presence of music in my life, and in the lives of everyone. What gift is better than the gift of song? Someone once said that music is what feelings sound like, and I couldn't agree more with that. It's certainly how I express myself, and I thank life every day for how fortunate I am to have musical abilities that allow me to do so.
I am incredibly thankful for all the wonderful friends I have, old and new. For real. College has opened my eyes to a lot of things, especially how amazing it is to have friends who are genuine, caring people, and who share my love of music. Not gonna lie, it was a little hard for me to adjust to UNI for the first week or so. I have problems sometimes, as we all do. But my friends have always been here to help me, whether it's making sure I don't get hurt if I've had one too many, sitting down with me and talking through something that's bugging me, or just giving me a much-needed hug at the end of a long day..I don't know what I would do without you guys :)
I'm thankful for my family. I won't go into detail, if you follow DBDN you've read all about them already. But they're great and I wouldn't trade them for anything!
And last but not least, all this crap:
~Mittens
~Love
~The news
~Cottage cheese
~Dogs
~Escalators
~The Internet
~Pumpkins
~Chris Potter
~Harry Potter
~Hot glue guns
~Snowwwww
~Carpet
~Revolving doors
~Tolerance
~Nutella
~Pillows
~The couch
~Smart people
~Cake
~Refrigerators
~Spanish men
~People not believing in witches anymore
~90's cartoons
~Caffeine
~Stupid people
~Victories for civil rights
~Free time
~Free speech
~Iced tea
~Sleep
The list could go on for a while. But it's getting late and I have to get up pretty early tomorrow, and I don't want my sleep schedule to be TOO messed up for Black Friday shopping...haaaaaa
Love you!!!
Today is Thanksgiving. A day for us Americans to give thanks to whoever we give thanks to, for whatever we want to give thanks for. Usually Thanksgiving is a day to mark the celebration of the very first Thanksgiving in our homeland. Now I could go into a story about the pilgrims and corn and all that mess, but I'd rather not. So, here's what I'm thankful for...
FIrst thing's first, I should establish WHO I'm thanking for these things. I'm just gonna come right out and say it, I don't believe in God. I have no shame in admitting this, because I know that in my life, I've managed to surround myself with people who won't judge me for it. Instead of thanking God or Jesus or Krishna or Mohammed or whatever else, I choose to thank LIFE; in all actuality, I believe we are all responsible for our own lives and living them the way decent, honest, compassionate people ought to. In a perfect world, we would only get out of life what we put into it; but occasionally it doesn't work that way, and life returns more to us than we give it - which is what we call good fortune. I thank life for cool people, who no matter how religious or non-religious they may be, will not only NOT think less of me, but will accept and love me as an atheist.
(I apologize in advance if the level of cheesiness in the following passage is too high. It's the truth, and if you don't like it, well...)
Secondly, and I hate to sound cliche for even a second, but I'm thankful for the presence of music in my life, and in the lives of everyone. What gift is better than the gift of song? Someone once said that music is what feelings sound like, and I couldn't agree more with that. It's certainly how I express myself, and I thank life every day for how fortunate I am to have musical abilities that allow me to do so.
I am incredibly thankful for all the wonderful friends I have, old and new. For real. College has opened my eyes to a lot of things, especially how amazing it is to have friends who are genuine, caring people, and who share my love of music. Not gonna lie, it was a little hard for me to adjust to UNI for the first week or so. I have problems sometimes, as we all do. But my friends have always been here to help me, whether it's making sure I don't get hurt if I've had one too many, sitting down with me and talking through something that's bugging me, or just giving me a much-needed hug at the end of a long day..I don't know what I would do without you guys :)
I'm thankful for my family. I won't go into detail, if you follow DBDN you've read all about them already. But they're great and I wouldn't trade them for anything!
And last but not least, all this crap:
~Mittens
~Love
~The news
~Cottage cheese
~Dogs
~Escalators
~The Internet
~Pumpkins
~Chris Potter
~Harry Potter
~Hot glue guns
~Snowwwww
~Carpet
~Revolving doors
~Tolerance
~Nutella
~Pillows
~The couch
~Smart people
~Cake
~Refrigerators
~Spanish men
~People not believing in witches anymore
~90's cartoons
~Caffeine
~Stupid people
~Victories for civil rights
~Free time
~Free speech
~Iced tea
~Sleep
The list could go on for a while. But it's getting late and I have to get up pretty early tomorrow, and I don't want my sleep schedule to be TOO messed up for Black Friday shopping...haaaaaa
Love you!!!
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Call Me Crazy...
Apparently, this cough I've had for f-ing EVER is just seasonal allergies. Awesome. Looks like I'll continue to sound like a chain smoker in the mornings...gross.
It's 4AM and I can't sleep, so I apologize in advance if this all sounds like a bunch of incoherent crap. Facebook is driving me absolutely crazy, so f that. Doing laundry. Cleaning my room. Thinking a lot. Time to get all this out of my head before I explode from lack of social interaction. Haaaaa...
So there's this guy. And I know I said I had given up on my love life altogether, but...I kinda have a thing for him. I have for a while, not gonna lie. To keep his identity a secret, since I'm fairly sure he's oblivious, we'll call him...Tom. I see him everywhere around campus...he's actually only in two of my classes, but we have the same major and practically do the same things. I actually hang out with him somewhat regularly, but it's always in a group and I'm awkward about stuff so yeah...but he's awesome. His independent thought and awkward charm are the things I find most attractive about him...and it only helps that he's intriguingly handsome and smells nice :]]
I don't have the nerve to tell him how I feel though, because I just feel like it would end up not working out the way I would have hoped...so for now, it's whatever.
I've been at home for about 4 days now, and each day, I am more and more surprised by my own laziness.
On Friday, when I walked in the front door, no one was here, which I anticipated; my sister was in Ames for All State, my dad at work, and my mom...well I honestly had no idea. She doesn't really answer her phone. So I dropped everything and decided to turn on the TV until someone got home. Well. Little did I know I would be sitting there watching Cops for close to 4 hours. 4 hours...wow. I forgot I had the capacity to sit and rot my brain for that length of time. Good work! :]]
Finally, mom comes in. I totally forgot where she said she was, but it's whatever. 2 hours later, dad comes home and Kozo (our Japanese exchange student) comes up from the basement.
I should explain a little about my family...
My mother is a wild, untamed spirit. She likes arts and crafts, shows about murder, scrabble, and playing the tuba. She truly cares about the people in her life, and does her best to show it - she's almost always been really supportive of me and whatever I'm doing, particularly if it's something with my music. However, as much as I love my mom, Her temperament is somewhat...fragile, making her a little difficult to be around sometimes. Only sometimes! One of her favorite pastimes is pestering the people around her. I was sitting on the couch the other day, minding my business, when seemingly out of nowhere a shoe was thrown at me. Then some play-doh. Then the other shoe, along with various other household items. I look down the hall and there's mom, standing there making a face at me, not saying a word. Let me tell you, no matter how many times I threw the things back at her or told her to STOP IT, she persisted until she decided she had to go to the bathroom. Oh mom...
Dad's different, most of the time anyway. He's a software engineer by day, trombonist and Rihanna-lover by night. He enjoys baseball, drum corps, chocolate frosting, beer, the 80's, and my mom :)
In a house with 3 women, he's almost always the mediator (which is a tough position, with the way mom, Lucy and I are sometimes. Especially when we're all PMSing at the same time...OHHH LAWD). He's like that mellow personality in a room full of crazy people, that guy who will listen to your problem and calmly talk it out with you until you simmer. He does tend to forget things...sometimes they happen to be important things. But it's whatever. And when mom likes to mess with people, he'll occasionally go right along with it and maybe even get her. Then they "fight" eachother, and it usually comes to some kind of funny end...cute (and hilarious) as hell :]]
Lucy, my sister. Her hair is the biggest, thickest hair you'll ever encounter. It's close to 2 feet long with enormous waves and bountiful layers of hair bliss. She is like no one I've met in my life. She plays Farmville and the viola, and I'm glad to see she's using more and more of her time for the second one :D
And she's sooo good at it! She's a senior in high school, but already plays in the Coe College orchestra and has had some small gigs around town. Get it girl. And she's SO smart, particularly when it comes to art and Japanese. She also likes nonsense..we still laugh at farts, and we still like to make mischief in public places. That will probably never stop.
And then there's Kozo Kamimura, the 18-year-old boy from Okinawa who's living in our basement for a year. He's quiet, loves meat, sleeps a lot, and recently learned the word "fuck".
Speaking of which, holy God. Tonight after dinner, we played a game of "Fucking Yahtzee". Not just Yahtzee. Fucking Yahtzee. Kozo took a turn, and before he rolled for the last time (going for a Yahtzee), for no reason, he said "FUCK!" He actually got one, prompting mom to re-name the game.
I've found a new addiction - StumbleUpon.com. Hahah!! I can go on there any time of day and just click the "Stumble" button to instantly find something cool. And it never gets old! At least not for me. I was literally on there for three hours once just to pass the time, and boy did the time fly by. Seriously, check it out. I bet you'll find 4 times more awesome things than not awesome things. Go. Do it.
For the record, I did absolutely nothing on Sunday. Win.
Also, I guess my parents want to move again...we're looking at a house tomorrow. It seems like every time we get used to a house, they want to move. I can honestly say I've only ever considered Park Avenue to be my true "home", I mean, we lived there for 11 years...but there have been a lot of different reasons to move since then. My family has moved 4 times in my entire life. If we move again, In the past 5 years alone, we will have moved 4 times. So I suppose it's really nothing new. I just wish they would finally decide on somewhere to live for a long while...I can only hope this is it!
Highlights...
BOHHHH:
~cough = allergies
~Nicki Minaj
~North Korea bombing South Korea - WTF??
=]]]]]]]
~Thanksgiving Thursday - POTATOES!!!!
~Nutella
~FINALLY seeing HP7 on Wednesday :D
It's 4AM and I can't sleep, so I apologize in advance if this all sounds like a bunch of incoherent crap. Facebook is driving me absolutely crazy, so f that. Doing laundry. Cleaning my room. Thinking a lot. Time to get all this out of my head before I explode from lack of social interaction. Haaaaa...
So there's this guy. And I know I said I had given up on my love life altogether, but...I kinda have a thing for him. I have for a while, not gonna lie. To keep his identity a secret, since I'm fairly sure he's oblivious, we'll call him...Tom. I see him everywhere around campus...he's actually only in two of my classes, but we have the same major and practically do the same things. I actually hang out with him somewhat regularly, but it's always in a group and I'm awkward about stuff so yeah...but he's awesome. His independent thought and awkward charm are the things I find most attractive about him...and it only helps that he's intriguingly handsome and smells nice :]]
I don't have the nerve to tell him how I feel though, because I just feel like it would end up not working out the way I would have hoped...so for now, it's whatever.
I've been at home for about 4 days now, and each day, I am more and more surprised by my own laziness.
On Friday, when I walked in the front door, no one was here, which I anticipated; my sister was in Ames for All State, my dad at work, and my mom...well I honestly had no idea. She doesn't really answer her phone. So I dropped everything and decided to turn on the TV until someone got home. Well. Little did I know I would be sitting there watching Cops for close to 4 hours. 4 hours...wow. I forgot I had the capacity to sit and rot my brain for that length of time. Good work! :]]
Finally, mom comes in. I totally forgot where she said she was, but it's whatever. 2 hours later, dad comes home and Kozo (our Japanese exchange student) comes up from the basement.
I should explain a little about my family...
My mother is a wild, untamed spirit. She likes arts and crafts, shows about murder, scrabble, and playing the tuba. She truly cares about the people in her life, and does her best to show it - she's almost always been really supportive of me and whatever I'm doing, particularly if it's something with my music. However, as much as I love my mom, Her temperament is somewhat...fragile, making her a little difficult to be around sometimes. Only sometimes! One of her favorite pastimes is pestering the people around her. I was sitting on the couch the other day, minding my business, when seemingly out of nowhere a shoe was thrown at me. Then some play-doh. Then the other shoe, along with various other household items. I look down the hall and there's mom, standing there making a face at me, not saying a word. Let me tell you, no matter how many times I threw the things back at her or told her to STOP IT, she persisted until she decided she had to go to the bathroom. Oh mom...
Dad's different, most of the time anyway. He's a software engineer by day, trombonist and Rihanna-lover by night. He enjoys baseball, drum corps, chocolate frosting, beer, the 80's, and my mom :)
In a house with 3 women, he's almost always the mediator (which is a tough position, with the way mom, Lucy and I are sometimes. Especially when we're all PMSing at the same time...OHHH LAWD). He's like that mellow personality in a room full of crazy people, that guy who will listen to your problem and calmly talk it out with you until you simmer. He does tend to forget things...sometimes they happen to be important things. But it's whatever. And when mom likes to mess with people, he'll occasionally go right along with it and maybe even get her. Then they "fight" eachother, and it usually comes to some kind of funny end...cute (and hilarious) as hell :]]
Lucy, my sister. Her hair is the biggest, thickest hair you'll ever encounter. It's close to 2 feet long with enormous waves and bountiful layers of hair bliss. She is like no one I've met in my life. She plays Farmville and the viola, and I'm glad to see she's using more and more of her time for the second one :D
And she's sooo good at it! She's a senior in high school, but already plays in the Coe College orchestra and has had some small gigs around town. Get it girl. And she's SO smart, particularly when it comes to art and Japanese. She also likes nonsense..we still laugh at farts, and we still like to make mischief in public places. That will probably never stop.
And then there's Kozo Kamimura, the 18-year-old boy from Okinawa who's living in our basement for a year. He's quiet, loves meat, sleeps a lot, and recently learned the word "fuck".
Speaking of which, holy God. Tonight after dinner, we played a game of "Fucking Yahtzee". Not just Yahtzee. Fucking Yahtzee. Kozo took a turn, and before he rolled for the last time (going for a Yahtzee), for no reason, he said "FUCK!" He actually got one, prompting mom to re-name the game.
I've found a new addiction - StumbleUpon.com. Hahah!! I can go on there any time of day and just click the "Stumble" button to instantly find something cool. And it never gets old! At least not for me. I was literally on there for three hours once just to pass the time, and boy did the time fly by. Seriously, check it out. I bet you'll find 4 times more awesome things than not awesome things. Go. Do it.
For the record, I did absolutely nothing on Sunday. Win.
Also, I guess my parents want to move again...we're looking at a house tomorrow. It seems like every time we get used to a house, they want to move. I can honestly say I've only ever considered Park Avenue to be my true "home", I mean, we lived there for 11 years...but there have been a lot of different reasons to move since then. My family has moved 4 times in my entire life. If we move again, In the past 5 years alone, we will have moved 4 times. So I suppose it's really nothing new. I just wish they would finally decide on somewhere to live for a long while...I can only hope this is it!
Highlights...
BOHHHH:
~cough = allergies
~Nicki Minaj
~North Korea bombing South Korea - WTF??
=]]]]]]]
~Thanksgiving Thursday - POTATOES!!!!
~Nutella
~FINALLY seeing HP7 on Wednesday :D
Friday, November 19, 2010
Shut Up, Jesse Ventura.
Ever see something on TV that is supposed to be serious, but looks so stupid that you want to watch it purely for the humor factor? Now you know how I felt when I saw the commercial for TruTV's "Conspiracy Theory" with host, former Minnesota governor Jesse Ventura.
Take a look at this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4mSlpj-_qI
Yeah - Idk what to believe. I don't honestly think any of it's real..but it's whatever.
Today, I came home. My puppies were scratching at the front door when I got here and it was SO PRECIOUS i almost died!! I have never seen tails wag faster, nor have I been sniffed so much in my life. I swear, sometimes all I want to do is snuggle a fluffy little dog. Erika, I feel like I can identify with you, because as much as you're infatuated with fat cats, that's as much as I love fluffy little dogs like mine. The amount of love a dog can have for a person is the amount of love I wish more people could have for one another. It's the best thing EVER when a puppy comes up to you and wants you to pet it or play with it or hug it or something - there's nothing cuter in the whole world!! Guhuhuhuhhhhhh :]]]]]]]
Yeah, this show is retarded. A government plot to create mind-controlled assassins out of regular tits like you and me? F that.
Also, the inflection in his voice makes me unable to take him seriously.
You know what's wierd? Ok, so...
Back in January, I was involved in a car accident on East Post Rd, in which my car slipped on the ice and flew off the Indian Creek bridge. About a month later, they decided to tear down that bridge and make a new one, which would take several annoying months of construction and involve a slightly lengthy detour. Well I came back home today and suddenly start to hear people say it's done, which is awesome. So my parents and I went to HyVee and decided to take East Post and check it out. We drive over the bridge, and immediately after we get to the other side, mom says "That was uncomfortable. I don't like that."
Mom.
This happened just now:
Mom: (walks in the room and looks at the TV) "What the hell is that?"
Mad: "A kangaroo, mom."
Mom: *burp* (walks away)
Tomorrow is the Iowa All State Music Festival, an annual event during which the finest band geeks, orch-dorks and choir kids from all over the state are brought together in 3 of the biggest ensembles you've never seen. A spot in one of these groups is highly coveted by everyone auditioning. The entire process is ridiculous. I happened to be chosen for 2 of my 4 years at Washington HS, which is alright! This year, I'm going to hear my lovely sister play her viola in the All State orchestra and chamber orchestra.
Oh lordy lord, All State...it seems like only yesterday all my buddies and I were practically shitting ourselves at the thought of first making recalls, then being selected, then going to Ames for the grand poo-bah of all high school honor bands. Back then it seemed like nothing could top such an achievement as being one of the best 60 teenage clarinet players in all of Iowa. Not saying that making it isn't a thing to be proud of, because it totally is, and props to all y'all who did! But to be honest..There are much MUCH bigger things to look forward to if you're serious about music. OhohoHOHOOOO yes.
Watch this. Start at 1:37...this guy. hahahahahah.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XZqgPeu45g&feature=related
Highlights...
~I found a heads-up dime on the sidewalk!
Take a look at this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4mSlpj-_qI
Yeah - Idk what to believe. I don't honestly think any of it's real..but it's whatever.
Today, I came home. My puppies were scratching at the front door when I got here and it was SO PRECIOUS i almost died!! I have never seen tails wag faster, nor have I been sniffed so much in my life. I swear, sometimes all I want to do is snuggle a fluffy little dog. Erika, I feel like I can identify with you, because as much as you're infatuated with fat cats, that's as much as I love fluffy little dogs like mine. The amount of love a dog can have for a person is the amount of love I wish more people could have for one another. It's the best thing EVER when a puppy comes up to you and wants you to pet it or play with it or hug it or something - there's nothing cuter in the whole world!! Guhuhuhuhhhhhh :]]]]]]]
Yeah, this show is retarded. A government plot to create mind-controlled assassins out of regular tits like you and me? F that.
Also, the inflection in his voice makes me unable to take him seriously.
You know what's wierd? Ok, so...
Back in January, I was involved in a car accident on East Post Rd, in which my car slipped on the ice and flew off the Indian Creek bridge. About a month later, they decided to tear down that bridge and make a new one, which would take several annoying months of construction and involve a slightly lengthy detour. Well I came back home today and suddenly start to hear people say it's done, which is awesome. So my parents and I went to HyVee and decided to take East Post and check it out. We drive over the bridge, and immediately after we get to the other side, mom says "That was uncomfortable. I don't like that."
Mom.
This happened just now:
Mom: (walks in the room and looks at the TV) "What the hell is that?"
Mad: "A kangaroo, mom."
Mom: *burp* (walks away)
Tomorrow is the Iowa All State Music Festival, an annual event during which the finest band geeks, orch-dorks and choir kids from all over the state are brought together in 3 of the biggest ensembles you've never seen. A spot in one of these groups is highly coveted by everyone auditioning. The entire process is ridiculous. I happened to be chosen for 2 of my 4 years at Washington HS, which is alright! This year, I'm going to hear my lovely sister play her viola in the All State orchestra and chamber orchestra.
Oh lordy lord, All State...it seems like only yesterday all my buddies and I were practically shitting ourselves at the thought of first making recalls, then being selected, then going to Ames for the grand poo-bah of all high school honor bands. Back then it seemed like nothing could top such an achievement as being one of the best 60 teenage clarinet players in all of Iowa. Not saying that making it isn't a thing to be proud of, because it totally is, and props to all y'all who did! But to be honest..There are much MUCH bigger things to look forward to if you're serious about music. OhohoHOHOOOO yes.
Watch this. Start at 1:37...this guy. hahahahahah.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XZqgPeu45g&feature=related
Highlights...
~I found a heads-up dime on the sidewalk!
That's Dirty.
So I slept through my sightsinging class this morning by accident. Woke up 20 minutes after it started, uttered an ugly word, and got my ass out of bed. I figured hell, I just won't go...it's too late for that. Why not just focus on being on time to my rehearsal with my accompanist? Which I was, even after I actually made an effort to look presentable before I showed myself to the world again. Good work? I think so. Especially since most mornings I don't give a rat's ass what I look like, and therefore probably appear lazy to others.
Anyway. So I go in to rehearse with my accompanist for my clarinet jury at 10 AM. Let me explain a little bit about Dr. Guy...picture an older lady, short gray hair, dressed rather flamboyantly as a great number of older ladies are. Small in stature, her face quizzical like that of an owl, she appears to be a most innocent woman who would never dream of saying anything outlandish or crude. Most of the time, if you were to assume these things of her, you'd be correct in doing so. However. As I was standing there playing my little solo with her, she stops me to say something, and goes off in a tangent, which ends with the sentence "I've played this piece before, but not since Amanda (Dr. McCandless) has been here. So. I don't know what she's been doing with you, but I have my own shit on it."
I'm like whoa. That's all I have to say about that.
But yeah. She's weird. Nice, but kinda weird.
After math class today, Leah and I decided to A) get some of that delicious chicken tortilla soup from Biscotti's (this little convenient-store place), and B) have a dance party before jazz band. I know I said I would cut down on my swearing, but let me tell you. That soup is fucking good. The way the cheese melts into it and imparts its flavor upon the chicken, and the way the tortilla chips become one with the broth...and when accompanied by some harvest cheddar sunchips...hohohohohoh.
So we ate, then proceeded to shake it like a polaroid picture. When the song shuffled to "Hips Don't Lie", it made us wonder...how does Shakira move like that? It shouldn't even be possible...no human being has as much control over individual muscles as she does. Not to mention the fact that her ass refuses to quit. Seriously, Shakira. What the hell.
So we've officially made it our goal to put the integrity in our own hips by learning to move like her. Get it? Haaaaaaa.
This happened in jazz band this afternoon...
Dr. Washut: So has anyone heard the joke about a Chaconne? (pronounced Sha-cone)
Jazz II: Um no
Dr. Washut: Ok...so there's a music history class, and they're studying the early forms of songs in the rennaisance. The teacher says "Can anyone tell me what a Chaconne is?" And this freshman in the back raises her hand and says "Sure I do! It's when the bass player in a jazz band is standing back there going "Sha-cone-cone-cone-cone..."
Jazz II: *ROFL*
Later on, when I was online trying to figure out classes for next semester, I decided to go on Ratemyprofessor.com and check out some of my current professors' ratings. Not surprisingly, Dr. Washut received an overall rating of 4.6 on a scale of 5. ALSO not surprisingly, Dr. Min Lee, mine and Leah's esteemed math teacher, managed to walk away with a solid 1.6 and several people calling him "the worst teacher they've ever had". I laughed because it was so true! Their complaints were completely accurate - he doesn't do problems correctly on the board, he mumbles, is rude when approached for help, and often makes errors even in the powerpoint presentations he uses to teach. Yup. Those all sound like things I've experienced firsthand in his class. Glad to know I'm not the only one.
Highlights...
BOHHHH
~my throat feels swollen
~there was nothing on the radio in the car tonight but trash
~i didn't get to go to Harry Potter :<
:]]]]]]]
~Almost mastered altissimo on tenor today - I'm close!
~I LOVE TONI HOFFMANN AND JAZZ
~I stole two cookies from the Suzuki school banquet when I walked by it in Russell today
~Discovered I like mocha latte. A lot.
~Tomorrow is the last day of class before thanksgiving break.
~My lovely lil' sister got 6th chair out of 24 Violas at All State and was selected for the chamber orchestra. I am PROUD AS HELL!!
Anyway. So I go in to rehearse with my accompanist for my clarinet jury at 10 AM. Let me explain a little bit about Dr. Guy...picture an older lady, short gray hair, dressed rather flamboyantly as a great number of older ladies are. Small in stature, her face quizzical like that of an owl, she appears to be a most innocent woman who would never dream of saying anything outlandish or crude. Most of the time, if you were to assume these things of her, you'd be correct in doing so. However. As I was standing there playing my little solo with her, she stops me to say something, and goes off in a tangent, which ends with the sentence "I've played this piece before, but not since Amanda (Dr. McCandless) has been here. So. I don't know what she's been doing with you, but I have my own shit on it."
I'm like whoa. That's all I have to say about that.
But yeah. She's weird. Nice, but kinda weird.
After math class today, Leah and I decided to A) get some of that delicious chicken tortilla soup from Biscotti's (this little convenient-store place), and B) have a dance party before jazz band. I know I said I would cut down on my swearing, but let me tell you. That soup is fucking good. The way the cheese melts into it and imparts its flavor upon the chicken, and the way the tortilla chips become one with the broth...and when accompanied by some harvest cheddar sunchips...hohohohohoh.
So we ate, then proceeded to shake it like a polaroid picture. When the song shuffled to "Hips Don't Lie", it made us wonder...how does Shakira move like that? It shouldn't even be possible...no human being has as much control over individual muscles as she does. Not to mention the fact that her ass refuses to quit. Seriously, Shakira. What the hell.
So we've officially made it our goal to put the integrity in our own hips by learning to move like her. Get it? Haaaaaaa.
This happened in jazz band this afternoon...
Dr. Washut: So has anyone heard the joke about a Chaconne? (pronounced Sha-cone)
Jazz II: Um no
Dr. Washut: Ok...so there's a music history class, and they're studying the early forms of songs in the rennaisance. The teacher says "Can anyone tell me what a Chaconne is?" And this freshman in the back raises her hand and says "Sure I do! It's when the bass player in a jazz band is standing back there going "Sha-cone-cone-cone-cone..."
Jazz II: *ROFL*
Later on, when I was online trying to figure out classes for next semester, I decided to go on Ratemyprofessor.com and check out some of my current professors' ratings. Not surprisingly, Dr. Washut received an overall rating of 4.6 on a scale of 5. ALSO not surprisingly, Dr. Min Lee, mine and Leah's esteemed math teacher, managed to walk away with a solid 1.6 and several people calling him "the worst teacher they've ever had". I laughed because it was so true! Their complaints were completely accurate - he doesn't do problems correctly on the board, he mumbles, is rude when approached for help, and often makes errors even in the powerpoint presentations he uses to teach. Yup. Those all sound like things I've experienced firsthand in his class. Glad to know I'm not the only one.
Highlights...
BOHHHH
~my throat feels swollen
~there was nothing on the radio in the car tonight but trash
~i didn't get to go to Harry Potter :<
:]]]]]]]
~Almost mastered altissimo on tenor today - I'm close!
~I LOVE TONI HOFFMANN AND JAZZ
~I stole two cookies from the Suzuki school banquet when I walked by it in Russell today
~Discovered I like mocha latte. A lot.
~Tomorrow is the last day of class before thanksgiving break.
~My lovely lil' sister got 6th chair out of 24 Violas at All State and was selected for the chamber orchestra. I am PROUD AS HELL!!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Decisions, Decisions...
I am trying to cut down on swearing. Specifically the words Fuck and Shit, which appear to be my favorites.
I have realized it's a very unattractive quality, and makes me appear very crude and unrefined. Don't get me wrong, I find many swears to be meaningless words that merely sound nasty when used, but I see now that using them is just silly and not a good idea for aspiring professionals such as myself. Wicka word.
So in Wind Symphony today, Dr. Johnson (we'll call him RJ) brought up the subject of a group tour. Apparently, since the last group of people he took on a large trip were a bunch of whiney bee-otches, he's been skeptical about it. Maybe he just loves us or something? Perhaps he wants to go just one last time before retirement? Idk.
So the question is...Israel, Italy, Carnegie Hall, or Chi-town?
I would freaking go to Israel, here's why.
~It's across the world from everything I know. Call me crazy, but as much as I love the good ol' USA, it would be nice to get out. Really, really nice. At least for a while.
~There's SO MUCH CULTURE. I mean, lets face it - Israeli level of culture content>Iowa. I want to go somewhere where I'll see things that will blow my mind. Blow it all over the Mediterranean. Talk about brain puke.
~I'm not afraid of what people say about security issues. Not everyone in the middle east wants to kill Americans. Anyone who thinks that is a dumb sh*t.
~[Insert 50 googleplex reasons why going to Israel to play my clarinet would be a good idea.]
In any case, I am super excited to travel with WS. It isn't until 2012, mind you. But that's only what...a year and a half away? That's not even anything. I feel like it would be an experience I would never forget, and some great bonding time :D
I've made a big decision. I've decided to leave my love life alone altogether and pursue no one. Here's why.
I don't know whether it's Murphy's law or some crap like that, but I've realized something. I fail at relationships. Like, I legit am not successful at telling my true feelings to people I like. I always get so nervous. It's gotten to the point where if I start to think I like someone, I tell myself "STOP. Do you want your heart broken again?!". Just walk away. I'm not going to deal with my clumsiness when it comes to crushes anymore. I don't see the point if all it does is make me feel stupid. From now on, I tell nobody anything regarding matters of my heart.
At least not for a while anyway...Idk, I guess I'm just in the process of getting over someone right now and it really isn't going very well, which is probably the reason behind my negative outlook on that kind of thing at the moment. But I really should look at it this way - no matter how much it hurts at first, it will get better!
On a lighter note;
~I got a solid A+ on my AT quiz yesterday!
~Marching band is OVER.
~Dr. McCandless, quite simply, rocks.
~I'm expecting a package in the mail tomorrow!!!!
~Only 2 more days until Thanksgiving break!
~My cartilage piercing no longer hurts to touch :)
I have realized it's a very unattractive quality, and makes me appear very crude and unrefined. Don't get me wrong, I find many swears to be meaningless words that merely sound nasty when used, but I see now that using them is just silly and not a good idea for aspiring professionals such as myself. Wicka word.
So in Wind Symphony today, Dr. Johnson (we'll call him RJ) brought up the subject of a group tour. Apparently, since the last group of people he took on a large trip were a bunch of whiney bee-otches, he's been skeptical about it. Maybe he just loves us or something? Perhaps he wants to go just one last time before retirement? Idk.
So the question is...Israel, Italy, Carnegie Hall, or Chi-town?
I would freaking go to Israel, here's why.
~It's across the world from everything I know. Call me crazy, but as much as I love the good ol' USA, it would be nice to get out. Really, really nice. At least for a while.
~There's SO MUCH CULTURE. I mean, lets face it - Israeli level of culture content>Iowa. I want to go somewhere where I'll see things that will blow my mind. Blow it all over the Mediterranean. Talk about brain puke.
~I'm not afraid of what people say about security issues. Not everyone in the middle east wants to kill Americans. Anyone who thinks that is a dumb sh*t.
~[Insert 50 googleplex reasons why going to Israel to play my clarinet would be a good idea.]
In any case, I am super excited to travel with WS. It isn't until 2012, mind you. But that's only what...a year and a half away? That's not even anything. I feel like it would be an experience I would never forget, and some great bonding time :D
I've made a big decision. I've decided to leave my love life alone altogether and pursue no one. Here's why.
I don't know whether it's Murphy's law or some crap like that, but I've realized something. I fail at relationships. Like, I legit am not successful at telling my true feelings to people I like. I always get so nervous. It's gotten to the point where if I start to think I like someone, I tell myself "STOP. Do you want your heart broken again?!". Just walk away. I'm not going to deal with my clumsiness when it comes to crushes anymore. I don't see the point if all it does is make me feel stupid. From now on, I tell nobody anything regarding matters of my heart.
At least not for a while anyway...Idk, I guess I'm just in the process of getting over someone right now and it really isn't going very well, which is probably the reason behind my negative outlook on that kind of thing at the moment. But I really should look at it this way - no matter how much it hurts at first, it will get better!
On a lighter note;
~I got a solid A+ on my AT quiz yesterday!
~Marching band is OVER.
~Dr. McCandless, quite simply, rocks.
~I'm expecting a package in the mail tomorrow!!!!
~Only 2 more days until Thanksgiving break!
~My cartilage piercing no longer hurts to touch :)
Another day in the past
My name is Madeline and I live in Cedar Falls, IA.
I sometimes don't know what to do with myself. I wake up in the morning and often don't want to leave my bed, purely for the reason that it's warm and comfy and the rest of my room isn't. I eventually realize that by staying huddled up underneath my covers for more and more 5-minute increments marked by the snooze button on my alarm, I'm inevitably making myself late to my Music Theory/Aural Training/Sightsinging class in the morning. So I scoot down the ladder, do what's necessary, and leave.
Let me tell you. I love the people in that class. When I arrive relatively on time in the morning, I can actually sit where I want to, usually between my girl Abbey (one of the other clarinet majors, who is a walking PARTY) and Leah (my trumpet player friend who watches out for me when I lose my inhibitions). Our teacher, Dr. Washut, is such a broner. He also directs the second jazz band here at UNI (which I play bari sax in), and reminds us a lot of Snoop Dogg. Quite often, Abbey and I sit there and laugh to ourselves as we appreciate his wisdoms. "NO D!!!" for one. He shouted that after someone spelled a triad wrong one day. Haaaaa.
This morning, we had a quiz in AT. I turned to Abbey and asked if she was soooo totally ready for this quiz. Her reply: "It's just...another day...in the past." I thought WTF, that's brilliant!! Didn't understand how it applied to my question, but it was brilliant. Get it girl.
I should explain - I'm a music major at the University of Northern Iowa. Go Cats and all that. Yeah. Anyway, so I'm majoring in clarinet and instrumental music ed, with a minor in jazz sax. I plan on dropping the ed major next year though to just focus on performance. I don't really think I would be a very good band director - I'm terrible at organizing events, I sometimes find it difficult to transform my thoughts into things people can understand, and I use far too many choice words. Fuck.
Tonight, I played the solo I'm working on for my jury in front of all the other clarinet majors in studio class. I was, unexpectedly, nervous as hell. It pissed me off - I've never gotten performance anxiety before until right then, and OHOHOHHHH LORD it hit me hard. It's like all the years of not having it were coming to get me, all in one fell swoop. Every part of me was shaking when I got up there. Maybe it was because I knew that they all knew what to listen for - tempo changes, waivering pitch, and (god forbid) squeaks. Maybe it was because I thought that everyone would expect me, as they would anyone, to have my piece exquisitely prepared by this point in the semester. Maybe I felt like I was under pressure for whatever reason...or maybe I just psyched myself out too much beforehand.
For the record - listening to screamo to try and drown out your thoughts when you're nervous, make you MORE nervous. Don't do it.
So I got up there and thought I did terrible, even though several of my studio-mates thankfully told me otherwise after class - I love them, I swear...I feel like we're all like a huge family, it's awesome. Now that I think back on it I actually wasn't that bad...I just wish I could go back and do it again, without saying all the things I managed to stutter out before and after playing. Oh well. Shoulda coulda woulda put on some Mozart instead of Metallica!
I have a feeling it won't be anything like that from this point on; I have no idea what I was so worried about. Glad I got that first time playing in front of them out of the way though - the general consensus was that the first time you play in studio is always the worst, but after that? Piece of cake.
Red velvet cake... =]]]]]]]
You know what makes me happy? People who love you no matter what. No matter what you say to them, or how awkward the situation could have turned when you said it, these people are the ones who will talk to you and help figure it out. No matter how much of a jumpy freak you are, they're still right by your side trying to calm you in whatever way they can. No matter how many things you do that could be perceived as foolish or just plain silly to others, these people still love you for it and won't try to change you. Sometimes I find that I enjoy these people more than I expect to...which is both a blessing and a curse, because due to their kind and friendly nature, these people are the hardest to forget when they're not around. Oh well...it's just another day in the past.
I sometimes don't know what to do with myself. I wake up in the morning and often don't want to leave my bed, purely for the reason that it's warm and comfy and the rest of my room isn't. I eventually realize that by staying huddled up underneath my covers for more and more 5-minute increments marked by the snooze button on my alarm, I'm inevitably making myself late to my Music Theory/Aural Training/Sightsinging class in the morning. So I scoot down the ladder, do what's necessary, and leave.
Let me tell you. I love the people in that class. When I arrive relatively on time in the morning, I can actually sit where I want to, usually between my girl Abbey (one of the other clarinet majors, who is a walking PARTY) and Leah (my trumpet player friend who watches out for me when I lose my inhibitions). Our teacher, Dr. Washut, is such a broner. He also directs the second jazz band here at UNI (which I play bari sax in), and reminds us a lot of Snoop Dogg. Quite often, Abbey and I sit there and laugh to ourselves as we appreciate his wisdoms. "NO D!!!" for one. He shouted that after someone spelled a triad wrong one day. Haaaaa.
This morning, we had a quiz in AT. I turned to Abbey and asked if she was soooo totally ready for this quiz. Her reply: "It's just...another day...in the past." I thought WTF, that's brilliant!! Didn't understand how it applied to my question, but it was brilliant. Get it girl.
I should explain - I'm a music major at the University of Northern Iowa. Go Cats and all that. Yeah. Anyway, so I'm majoring in clarinet and instrumental music ed, with a minor in jazz sax. I plan on dropping the ed major next year though to just focus on performance. I don't really think I would be a very good band director - I'm terrible at organizing events, I sometimes find it difficult to transform my thoughts into things people can understand, and I use far too many choice words. Fuck.
Tonight, I played the solo I'm working on for my jury in front of all the other clarinet majors in studio class. I was, unexpectedly, nervous as hell. It pissed me off - I've never gotten performance anxiety before until right then, and OHOHOHHHH LORD it hit me hard. It's like all the years of not having it were coming to get me, all in one fell swoop. Every part of me was shaking when I got up there. Maybe it was because I knew that they all knew what to listen for - tempo changes, waivering pitch, and (god forbid) squeaks. Maybe it was because I thought that everyone would expect me, as they would anyone, to have my piece exquisitely prepared by this point in the semester. Maybe I felt like I was under pressure for whatever reason...or maybe I just psyched myself out too much beforehand.
For the record - listening to screamo to try and drown out your thoughts when you're nervous, make you MORE nervous. Don't do it.
So I got up there and thought I did terrible, even though several of my studio-mates thankfully told me otherwise after class - I love them, I swear...I feel like we're all like a huge family, it's awesome. Now that I think back on it I actually wasn't that bad...I just wish I could go back and do it again, without saying all the things I managed to stutter out before and after playing. Oh well. Shoulda coulda woulda put on some Mozart instead of Metallica!
I have a feeling it won't be anything like that from this point on; I have no idea what I was so worried about. Glad I got that first time playing in front of them out of the way though - the general consensus was that the first time you play in studio is always the worst, but after that? Piece of cake.
Red velvet cake... =]]]]]]]
You know what makes me happy? People who love you no matter what. No matter what you say to them, or how awkward the situation could have turned when you said it, these people are the ones who will talk to you and help figure it out. No matter how much of a jumpy freak you are, they're still right by your side trying to calm you in whatever way they can. No matter how many things you do that could be perceived as foolish or just plain silly to others, these people still love you for it and won't try to change you. Sometimes I find that I enjoy these people more than I expect to...which is both a blessing and a curse, because due to their kind and friendly nature, these people are the hardest to forget when they're not around. Oh well...it's just another day in the past.
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