Another day in the past

My name is Madeline and I live in Cedar Falls, IA.
I sometimes don't know what to do with myself. I wake up in the morning and often don't want to leave my bed, purely for the reason that it's warm and comfy and the rest of my room isn't. I eventually realize that by staying huddled up underneath my covers for more and more 5-minute increments marked by the snooze button on my alarm, I'm inevitably making myself late to my Music Theory/Aural Training/Sightsinging class in the morning. So I scoot down the ladder, do what's necessary, and leave.
Let me tell you. I love the people in that class. When I arrive relatively on time in the morning, I can actually sit where I want to, usually between my girl Abbey (one of the other clarinet majors, who is a walking PARTY) and Leah (my trumpet player friend who watches out for me when I lose my inhibitions). Our teacher, Dr. Washut, is such a broner. He also directs the second jazz band here at UNI (which I play bari sax in), and reminds us a lot of Snoop Dogg. Quite often, Abbey and I sit there and laugh to ourselves as we appreciate his wisdoms. "NO D!!!" for one. He shouted that after someone spelled a triad wrong one day. Haaaaa.
This morning, we had a quiz in AT. I turned to Abbey and asked if she was soooo totally ready for this quiz. Her reply: "It's just...another day...in the past." I thought WTF, that's brilliant!! Didn't understand how it applied to my question, but it was brilliant. Get it girl.
I should explain - I'm a music major at the University of Northern Iowa. Go Cats and all that. Yeah. Anyway, so I'm majoring in clarinet and instrumental music ed, with a minor in jazz sax. I plan on dropping the ed major next year though to just focus on performance. I don't really think I would be a very good band director - I'm terrible at organizing events, I sometimes find it difficult to transform my thoughts into things people can understand, and I use far too many choice words. Fuck.
Tonight, I played the solo I'm working on for my jury in front of all the other clarinet majors in studio class. I was, unexpectedly, nervous as hell. It pissed me off - I've never gotten performance anxiety before until right then, and OHOHOHHHH LORD it hit me hard. It's like all the years of not having it were coming to get me, all in one fell swoop. Every part of me was shaking when I got up there. Maybe it was because I knew that they all knew what to listen for - tempo changes, waivering pitch, and (god forbid) squeaks. Maybe it was because I thought that everyone would expect me, as they would anyone, to have my piece exquisitely prepared by this point in the semester. Maybe I felt like I was under pressure for whatever reason...or maybe I just psyched myself out too much beforehand.
For the record - listening to screamo to try and drown out your thoughts when you're nervous, make you MORE nervous. Don't do it.
So I got up there and thought I did terrible, even though several of my studio-mates thankfully told me otherwise after class - I love them, I swear...I feel like we're all like a huge family, it's awesome. Now that I think back on it I actually wasn't that bad...I just wish I could go back and do it again, without saying all the things I managed to stutter out before and after playing. Oh well. Shoulda coulda woulda put on some Mozart instead of Metallica!
I have a feeling it won't be anything like that from this point on; I have no idea what I was so worried about. Glad I got that first time playing in front of them out of the way though - the general consensus was that the first time you play in studio is always the worst, but after that? Piece of cake.
Red velvet cake... =]]]]]]]
You know what makes me happy? People who love you no matter what. No matter what you say to them, or how awkward the situation could have turned when you said it, these people are the ones who will talk to you and help figure it out. No matter how much of a jumpy freak you are, they're still right by your side trying to calm you in whatever way they can. No matter how many things you do that could be perceived as foolish or just plain silly to others, these people still love you for it and won't try to change you. Sometimes I find that I enjoy these people more than I expect to...which is both a blessing and a curse, because due to their kind and friendly nature, these people are the hardest to forget when they're not around. Oh well...it's just another day in the past.