After a very intense lesson with Dr. McCandless today, and after quite a bit of thought about my inner self and my future, I've realized some very important things. Most importantly, I've never been more sure of what my calling is. I know now what I was born to do...I've decided to dedicate my life to the clarinet.
I want to be the best I can be, and I want to do whatever it takes to be at my best. Up until now, I've relied entirely too much on natural ability and practicing until it's "good enough". Dr. M enlightened me today on how that won't work. During my lesson, I began to notice more than ever how right she was about my tone being held back by reeds that are too soft, about my fingers moving too far away from the horn, about how my interpretation of etudes sounded unplanned, like I was going off instinct. And I thought, holy crap.
I'm lucky to have a teacher as supportive and patient as she is...the moment I was struck with reality, she could tell. Instead of getting frustrated with me, for even a moment, she gave me a most encouraging talk. She assured me that the frustration I was feeling was a natural part of my growth as a musician, and that she had true confidence in me.
Needless to say, I'm not going to let her down. My path is clear now, and there's no turning back. I am a clarinetist, and I will strive to unleash my passion through my art.
Dr. M...thank you :)
On another note, you may have noticed I've been in a bit of a funk for a few days. That's for a couple reasons, one of which I can't really mention because it's someone else's secret that they shared with me. It caused me to become intensely concerned, and from the moment I found out the situation, I constantly worried about that person until the problem was solved today. I'm just glad that person is gonna be alright...it pains me to imagine what my life would be like if they suddenly had to walk out of it because of an emergency like that :)
Ahhhh I'm pathetic. Haha.
The other reason for my mood was because I was off my anxiety medication for a little while, which is never a good thing. Chemical imbalances and I aren't really good friends. I get all...emo. And it really sucks, not only because I can't control my emotions and it's embarrassing, but I tend to do stupid irrational things. Also, I feel bad for my family - they worry about me when they see depressing blog posts and FB statuses, they're an hour away, and I don't always answer my phone. Sorry, guys...
And if I caused anyone else alarm recently, I'm sorry to you too. I have re-stocked my supply of chill pills (AKA got my prescription filled), so things are peachy once again!
Also, this video helped...warning you though, don't watch it in a public place, and if you're in polite company, turn the volume down plz&thx.
Word.
Highlights...
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~SNOW IS MELTING. Don't get me wrong, I love snow and all...just now when it's brown and gross and stays around forever. Srsly.
~I quit TBΣ and pledged ΣAI. Nothing against Tau Beta, they're still cool! I just feel like I've bonded a whooooole lot better with the ΣAI girls (even before pledging), and this way, I'll be able to dedicate myself more to one service group rather than less to both.
~I'm not sick anymore. TITS!!
~2 words. Harlem Congo. Most fun I've had with jazz clarinet evarrrr
~ <=ooo|ooo=0 (that's a clarinet)
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~Soooooooo many people are sick.
~The Legend is with another woman. (I'll explain later. It's a good story, I promise.)
~I hate being flat ass broke, and I need a job badly.
It's all good in the hood :)
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