Blah Blah Blah

Before I go ahead and publicly expose myself to all kinds of criticism, I just want to say one thing. I don't intend to hurt or piss off anyone with what I'm about to say. These are just observations I've made and couclusions I've drawn from them, that's all. Feel free to comment.

Now that I can actually vote, I feel it's my duty to stay as informed as I can about all these fools running around tryna be president. Putting my initial thoughts aside, I've been following several of the GOP canidates since the start of the campaign season, and trying not to judge too quickly. Alghough, in some cases, it wasn't hard to form an opinion. Here's a list of the ones who irk me so far and why.

Michelle Bachmann.

At first glance she already seems sketch, and after a closer look, that assessment isn't too far off. This woman is in favor of eliminating the US Department of Education and the National Endowment for the Arts, and thinks being gay can be cured. She doesnt give straight answers to voters' questions, and the answers she does give are twisted and backwards. According to Bachmann, arts education is a family matter, and doesn't deserve funding or to be taught in schools, despite its proven benefits to students. Gays can get married though, as long as a gay man marries a woman, or a lesbian marries a man. Explain to me how eliminating federal departments and cutting arts in schools (thereby eliminating jobs) helps the economy. Explain to me how not allowing gays and lesbians to marry helps "purify" the institution of marriage, when all it does is deprive people who love eachother of their rights.

Verdict: Boooooo. Glad you practically lost here in Iowa, now kindly GTFO.

Rick Perry.

The faith warrior, with a plan to "end Obama's war on religion". Excuse me, but since when has the separation between church and state been a crime? He's not ashamed to admit he's a Christian...yeah, so are millions of other Americans. Your point? Perry would support the elimination of the Department of Education, Commerce, and...what was that third one again? Oh wait, he can't think of it. Turned out to be the EPA, the government agency responsible for what little protection we give our environment in this country. He denies the widely accepted theory of global warming, going against 97% of all scientists, and also doesn't want to accept the fact that gay people have rights just like everyone else. Not to mention his less-than-good track record with the public, and sub-par performance in the debates thus far.

Verdict: Ew. Also, probably secretly gay (just won't admit it).

Rick Santorum.

Wanna know what an ancient Roman dictator was like? Look no further than Rick Santorum. This bigot not only thinks gay people should "just stop being gay", but thinks this country would be better off if governed by Judeo-Christian principles. What part of Reagan's quote don't you understand, the part about church and state being separate, or the fact that they should always remain separate? Ever think it's for good reason? The bible is a great book, no doubt about that, and I respect Christians as much as I respect Muslims, or Atheists, or Buddhists...but if we were to take biblical rules literally, thousands of years after they were written, civil rights (as well as HUMAN rights, for crap's sake) would be flushed down the toilet. This is a different time, society has changed. GET WITH IT. You won't get very far in life hating on people who are different just because you're uncomfortable with the modern world. I don't really know much more about this guy, but this alone is enough to both deter and disgust me.

Verdict: PLEASE stfu. Learn some tolerance, until then, talk to the booty 'cause the hand's off duty.

Newt Gingrich.

Seriously? The poster boy for rich old white guys waving their greed around...this is a no-brainer. I fail to understand what new and improved tactics he plans to bring to the white house. He's been around forever and managed to piss so many people off it's not even a big deal anymore. Not even worth any more of a rant.

Verdict: Bitch, please.

----------------------------------------------------------

At this point, no one has even remotely convinced me not to vote Obama. I've always maintained I'll vote for a person, not a party, and wouldn't you know it, the Democrats continue to win me over.

Peace out.

Year By Year, Nothing

2012!!!!!! Omgzzzzzz...

So I know this post is long overdue...but what better time than the present to make it, right?

Here's what went down since we last spoke.

Finals happened, and my lowest grade was a B+ in music history I. 3.8 GPA, yall! Dean's list! Heyohhhhh.

I switched rooms, and am no longer living in 112 for various reasons. Castle Delin (room 323) is a lovely little place with a window overlooking the Rider and Shull parking lots. Wanna throw pebbles at my window? Look for the 2nd one above the Rider dumpster, that's me. Come on up, it'll be a grand ol' time, because...

My freakin' grandma gifted me a TV for Christmas! I now have everything I need to be a hermit, I suppose...netflix, an un-lofted bed, and a new 32" picture box to watch Glee with on Tuesday nights. Not that I want to stay in my room all the time, in fact I don't. But When all else fails, I'll have plenty of things to help me be lazy!

The neighbors seem alright, no loud bitches so far. Haven't met my new RA yet though, and I'll miss having Kiley :/

On a different note, tragedy struck on the drive to CR. Loooooord, that was one hell of a trip.

First, before I left, I redecorated Meredith's bowl with meme faces. It was truly a work of art, go check it out on my fb profile.

Now, understand this - Meredith had been alive since September, and I'd had her for a little over 3 months by this point in time. I admit I didn't take the best care of her, but I was all excited to take her home over the break and hopefully see how much longer she could survive! I put her in some tupperware with room-temperature water, put her by the air vent in my van so she wouldn't get too cold, and hoped for the best.

I haven't yet mentioned the monstrous amount of crap I had in tow; Since I no longer needed a lofted bed, I took mine home. All the pieces took up most of the titbus, leaving only 2 seats worth of space for my clothes, suitcase, clarinet, and other crap. At one point, I tried opening the side door, only to find it blocked by a large wooden panel, causing it to not budge. Leaving it be, I started the treacherous journey.

Frequent titbus travellers will know that due to its age and large size, my vehicle has terrible gas mileage. Now before I left, I put half a tank in there, thinking I would be good to go. However, I had no idea how the weight of my cargo could affect things. About halfway between CF and CR, I noticed I was already down to a quarter tank, and thought WTF. Then, when I thought things couldn't get any more nerve-wracking, my "door-open" light came on, and I heard an unsettling air leak coming from the back. The side door had come unlodged from the wooden panel that was supporting it, and although it hadn't come open more than half an inch, let me tell you...from that point until I got to a gas station was terrifying.

I pulled into a Casey's and fixed it, and by then, my gas light had come on - I was close to empty. After frantically checking my bank account from my phone, I discovered I only had enough in there to buy one gallon of gas. Being 20 miles outside of CR, I thought all hope was lost. It was now or never, do or die - I bought what little fuel I could afford, and braced myself for the home stretch.

Good God. My guts had never been so clenched. I watched in horror as the needle went below "E", when I had just gone through downtown. By some miracle, I ended up at home without my car dying. Never again.

The next morning, I woke up to find my seemingly immortal 3-month-old goldfish dead in her bowl. No doubt in my mind the temperature change was what killed her...oh well :[[

Anyway, so I've been at home for a while now. Practicing, sleeping past noon, and watching a LOT of SVU. Kinda ready to go back to CF and start being productive again. There are lots of reasons to want to go back, but some reasons I don't look forward to it as much..

One reson to celebrate - I signed the lease on a house for next year! Really looking forward to living off-campus, and my roomies are bomb :)

Also, we initiated 5 new SAI sisters before the break, including Stash, Caryn, and Julie! Allie Collins and Susan Pei also joined - super proud to be in SAI, especially with the new ideas we've been coming up with to branch out from our usual routine!

I've been thinking a lot about what it means to me to be a sister in this fraternity. I know I haven't really talked about it much here, but I'm extremely proud to be part of this group. We all care so much about music, and because of that, we can all identify with and support eachother. It brings together all the branches of the school of music - band, orchestra, vocalists, everyone. My sisters have all been really supportive of me when I was down about my clarinet playing, even when I felt like dropping my major once. I would do the same for any of them. Although I can't discuss it outside the fraternity, I've read through the ritual book a few times, just because the messages really rang true with me...I really want to see us do some great things in our community, and I can't wait to see where we go :)

I'm really looking forward to lessons this semester, too. I feel like I've found my niche with jazz clarinet, and the cool part of that is that the further I go with jazz on the clarinet, the easier everything else clarinet-related seems. I think it's because jazz improv pushes me to further my technical abilities, which is pretty cool. I'm starting jazz lessons again with Mr. Chris, and I'm going for my 100 levels with Dr. M this semester...fingers crossed!! Also, preparing an audition for WCFSO. Kind of scares the pee out of me that I'm already doing this, but hey, gotta start sometime!

There's a dark side to all of this happiness, however. Clearly, last semester wasn't my best. In fact, I hope to say it was my worst. I have a feeling I turned into someone I didn't want to be for a while, and that some things won't be the same again for a while, if ever.

Alright, I think it's time I got to my resolutions.

I'll start with the most important.

I don't want to be someone people have to be careful around. I don't want to be that girl you can't hang around with because you don't want trouble. I know I did some things a while ago that I'm not proud of, but the fact that I'm still judged for them tells me a lot of things, mainly, that I still have some amends to make. I'm sorry for the things I've done, and hey, if you still want to shut me out, go ahead. Can't say I'm not hurt though. I resolve to be easier to be with, whether I'm with you or not.

I also resolve to practice more, spend less, and be more professional.

This year showed me a lot of cool things about life, but I can't say I'll miss 2011. Tonight, I ring in the new year with Carly, Eileen and Rosslyn - lets go party like it's not 2011 anymore!!

Word to your mothers!

One Brown Winter's Eve...

This is not a happy post. This post is crazy as hell. Please excuse my raving, which I'm sure doesn't contain the best use of proper English.

This semester needs to be over.

Seriously, I mean I feel like I've just failed. At some things, at others, no. But generally, things have been not the best.

Sorry this graph sucks.

I need to just try again, because this time around just sucked. Yes, I improved at the clarinet and am now ready for the challenges being a performance major will bring, whereas I wasn't handling it well before. Yes, I figured out that I needed to get my act together and quit messing around. But all this shit that's happened this semester has accumulated to the point where I can't concentrate on anything. I may not be stressed from my classes, but right now, at this very moment, I'm emotionally stressed. I'm so frustrated right now, SO pissed...LORD, I just need the strength to not flip a tit this week.

FINALS WEEK...it is upon us. I can't say I'm worried about all of my tests, when I'm really only worried about music history. I'm prepared for my jury, and I've got really good reeds. No, it's not that I'm worried about. I hate how stressed everyone is, even though I know there's no way around it. I feel terrible, because I'm so much less busy than the other people in my world. Shoulda-coulda-woulda taken more classes, eh?

Words escape me right now. At this point, I'm kind of just typing every little thought that pops into my head. I've been in my sweats all day. I practiced clarinet for about half an hour and got bored. I started 3 different clarinet quartet arrangements last night and didn't finish any of them, though I got pretty far. I can't even. I have to pee, my mocassins are falling apart, where am I going to buy a carpet for next semester, why won't the zit on my left cheek go away?! Good God.

I need to go outside and scream profanities. I need to lay down on the couch with a puppy, take a nap, and absorb the love. I need to be away from here for a while, to refresh my perspective.

Angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst angst.

Next semester's ass will be kicked repeatedly.

The Vault

Ok, I feel like something needs to be said.

This post isn't directed at anyone in particular. This post is addressed to anyone who's pissed at someone and at a loss for what to say. So don't go thinking I'm directing this specifically at you...but if you've got a problem, listen up.

One thing that irks me more than anything is if someone's got a problem with someone else, and they don't just tell the person to their face. I'm sick of all this shit going on around here.

Without knowing any specifics, I can just sense it. It's like someone brought up in a conversation with me a few days ago - there seems to be a lot of drama within the UNI school of music. For some of us, it's making it less enjoyable to be here. We're all stressed out enough already, to varying degrees. Adding stupid drama to this already not-ideal situation just makes things worse.

I know, I'm probably one of the least stressed people here right now. I'm taking 12 credit hours, neither of my large ensembles are meeting this week, my financial situation is finally taken care of, and I've only really got 2 finals to study for. I'm not speaking on my own behalf. I'm talking about anyone who's enrolled in 18+ credit hours, for whom things aren't exactly going the best, who probably doesn't need you or anyone else judging them for any stupid mistakes they may have made. Calm down. Knock it off. Please?

Why do we need to judge people? Can't we just sit down and talk it out like rational human beings?

I don't care exactly what your problem is. I'm not interested in knowing everyone's little issues between eachother. That isn't any of my business. I'm not into starting trouble, and the sooner you all get that straight, the sooner we can all move on. All I would ask is that if you've got an issue with someone, please...don't drag someone else into it. Isn't it tiring, having to keep track of who knows what and who's involved with what?

I feel like a hypocrite. There was a time when I thought I needed to know everything that went on around me, that knowing all these things would make me more aware and would help me navigate the intense social maze of which I was a part. Look where it's gotten me - I've been judged for a fool.

Furthermore, there's something to be said for not telling someone at all when they're annoying you. I'm not saying go up to whoever's bugging you and tell them every little time they do something; at least just let them know politely when it's getting to be a problem. If you don't tell them, how's anything gonna get better? If you aren't able to talk it out with the person and reach a mutual understanding, where will that get you? Nowhere. There's nothing quite like just talking it out with someone - you may be surprised at how much more at ease you feel.

Along those same lines, if someone comes to you wanting to talk about a problem, there's no reason to get pissed, defensive, or irrational. Again, that gets you nowhere and doesn't help anything.

Stick that in your bowl and eat it...I say this all out of concern, not out of anger.

Also, I'm done. I really don't want to hear about it anymore. I'm done being involved in any drama...if you want someone to talk to as an unbiased listener, I'll be there, but don't expect my opinion. If The Vault was guarded under lock and key before, it's now under double lockdown.

Just Like Jesse James

Good eeeeeevening, my darlings.

As you can see (or maybe you can't), I've titled this post in honor an American artist I'm truly thankful for on this day, the legend herself, Cher.

Today is Thanksgiving, and this year, as Google says, I'm feeling lucky.

I'm pretty damn lucky, looking at my life. Right now, as it stands, there are a lot of things I have that I've worked hard for, but there are also a lot that have practically been handed to me. Like, say...my rights? My passion? My family? The fact that I have not only a house, but a home?

You bet your ass I'm thankful for those things.

One thing I'm particularly thankful for, this time around, is my will to keep going. As fortunate as I've been, things have also befallen me that have at times made me feel like quitting. Whether I'm struggling in my lessons, or in a friendship, or in any kind of relationship at all, there always seems to be a little extra boost somewhere in the vast abyss of my emotions, something that tells me "What the hell are you doing?? You can't just bail, suck it up!!" This little hypothetical voice sometimes comes from within, or from someone in my life...and before you say anything, please, no references to schizophrenia. Quit it. I'm serious when I say how thankful I am for my resilience. I'm bouncing back from a huge-ass sophomore slump right now, and it's the tits.

Pardon my momentary relapse in profane blog language, it had to be. It just had to be.

I've just got to get this out there...this year hasn't exactly been a picnic. Sure, I'm not taking that many classes, and some people might claim that gives me no right to be stressed. Before you go thinking your thoughts, there are OTHER reasons I may have been dumpy to be around. My relationships with people have become more strained, because of various factors I don't believe are blog-appro. To whom it may concern, regarding these issues: slowly but surely, I'm comin' back. I figured out what needed to be done, and I don't know if you've noticed but I'm through messing around. I'm gonna get better, dammit. To quote a famous proverb, shit's gotten real.

I've been feeling a whole lot of confidence lately. Whether or not it stems from my elimination of certain bad behaviors, I can't say. But I can tell you, it's a great feeling.

Aight. Now that that's done...

I'll tell you about my Chicag - o - rama!!

So my family and I were there from Saturday to Tuesday. For the first time in a reeeeally long time, we didn't take anyone else with us - no exchange students, no family friends, just us. And it was awesome.

Normally, we like to do the museum thing while we're there. We try to go to a different one every time, although we're members at the Field Museum so we go there the most. This time we hit the Planetarium, which was pretty cool...conclusions I drew: Space is neato, and it would be really really hard and frightening to go to the moon.

Things that really wowed me at the Field this time around: Chocolate exhibit. Who knew people had such fervor for the history of a damn bean and its products?? Shoot. Also, the Mammals of Asia exhibit...saw some things that brought out the WTF in me. Let me tell you, you'll never catch me walkin around in the jungles of India. Not a sane or coherent version of me, anyway.

Also cool:

~The Noble Horse Theater. What in the sam hell is it? Well, it's people doing plays on horseback, like it's nbd. We saw them do The Nutcracker - it wasn't your average boring-ass Nutcracker. Nah, we're talkin' people flipping themselves all around, standing up on horseback, jumping through stuff, running around...I didn't know which was a more talented bunch, them, or the horses. TALENT. Whooooo-weeeee.

~Comedysportz. Live improv comedy, in the style of "Whose Line", only a bit tamer. Not as raunchy or off-the-chain as it could have been, but still neat!

~The Michigan Ave. Lights Parade. Or so I think it's called. It's the one where they light up all the lights on the trees along Michigan Ave. Anyway, jeeze...I come from Cedar Rapids Iowa, where we have a very different view of parades. I mean little groups of people walking and not even waving, politicians, no crowd barriers, people crossing the street between floats...then I get here, to this huge-ass ordeal, and it's like JIOHHHH - REAL PARADE! This thing had to be like 2 miles long. What?!? Call me a fool, I had no idea. Mind blown.

~Pizano's. If you haven't eaten there, or any Chicago-style pizza, you can't die happy yet. Of course, after tasting a few, I still say Giordano's is my fave.

Stories...

~The Mexican Grandma. Along the way, we decided to stop in this giant thrift store, just for funsies. We walked inside, having no idea what to expect. Almost immediately, a large group of Hispanic children runs in, followed not-so-closely by their slow-walking, fast-talking mothers and abuelas. A voice came on the intercom: "Attention, all children must be accompanied at all times. If your child is found unaccompanied, you will be asked to leave without purchasing your items. Attencion, los niños - ". As I stood there casually browsing the large selection of eclectic winter sweaters, a little old lady shuffled up to me, pointing at a price tag. She looked at me, uttered some Spanish, and - having no idea what to do - I began to read it to her. "Uhh...$7.19?" No response. "Large?" Blank stare. So I told her "Lo siento..." and she walked away. Had she mistaken me for someone else? Was there something else on the price tag I wasn't seeing? Clearly, I need to learn more Spanish, for the benefit of abuelas everywhere.

~The Awkward Family. So we're shopping at Watertower Place, and I had just left Forever 21. I sat down on a bench to wait for Lucy, who had just gone to the bathroom. A ritzy-looking old lady walks by with her iPhone, fur coat, and granddaughter, who couldn't have been older than 3. "Smile, I'll take your picture and show it to you!" She snapped a pic, and the little girl harmlessly sat down on the other end of my bench. Her grandma followed, only sitting about a foot away from me, close enough to be considered inside my personal space. Before I knew it, two loud little boys ran up and pounced on the bench next to her, one of them landing square on my left leg. The boys were followed by a particularly large couple who were clearly tourists, the woman in her pink pants and the large man in his green Izods, pushing a double stroller with more children in it. They almost closed me in, parking it directly on my right. None of them acknowledged that I was there. Instead, they went about their wild rumpus as I sat there looking alarmed, excused myself, and went to sit on the floor outside Wet Seal. Not a single one of them said anything to me. "Excuse me. Sorry my smelly son sat on your lap. Mind if we sit here?" Nah. None of that....WHAT. THE. HELL.

Oh, the things people do. Hohohhohhhhhh. My heavens.

Cool things other than that:

~I played a recording gig! A friend from HS, who's a senior at Coe College, wrote a piece. I had alto, and got to play with such cats as Stella Hart, Emma Azelborn, Shanley, Eric Thompson, and Al Naylor. Fun times? Totes magotes. (Bass player, I'm sorry, I don't know your name...aieee)

~Dyed my hair dark reddish-brown. It's kinda neato. It's also getting pretty long!

~I have a pretty great boyfriend, who likes me for me, when I'm just being me. He's a sweet one, he is! I'm thankful for you today and any other day, Joel :)

~Clarinet studio recital is Tuesday night, which means the debut of the Urban Legends Quartet!!! Heyohhhh!!!

~Performing with UNI Vocal Jazz on the Glee Club Christmas concert this weekend!!

~MASHED POTATOES AND CREAMED CORN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now go, yall. Eat some turkey, or don't if you're vegetarian. Be merry, and for God's sake try to have a lovely time.

As Tracy would say, peace and blessins!

Don't Forget the Turnaround!

*UPDATE*

SO, after several things being brought to my attention, I've decided to revise my post to include MORE things that have happened to me, which I had mistakenly left out before...

Kenzie and Carly came to visit!

I neglected to mention the fact that even though Kenzie lives in Omaha now, and Carly lives in Indianola, I got to see both of them last week during their fall breaks. Even though I may not have said anything before, I was VERY excited to see both of them and super stoked to have them here!! I know I'll probably be called a jerk several times now...don't hate, celebrate. Looooove youuuuuuu :]]

The Legend is forever.

Scott...just because I don't explicitly mention you doesn't mean I'm not thinking every second about your glory. I'm surprised at you, sir...you should know by now you have a special brotherly place in my heart :)

*ORIGINAL POST*

For a little while now, I've felt like I'm in an alright place, but not a great one. And I have no one to blame but myself, really.

Things I've realized lately...(or things that have become clearer than ever lately)

People change.

Clearly. But it can be hard to accept. Things happen - we try something new and make it a part of our lives, we meet someone new, etc. It isn't always easy to get used to something when we've just gotten used to another thing. Frankly, it sucks sometimes; but the thing I've had to remind myself of lately is that no matter how dire things seem in a friendship, you've got to keep at it. Swim on, little fishie...that current won't beat down on you forever.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel.

Being the sensitive butt that I am, I fully understand that I feel emotions quite extravagantly. As of late, however, I've started to think, "Is it really as big a deal as I'm making it?" My ability to brush things off is improving, although there are still demons I have to face. Sacrifices will have to be made, but I've got to do it. If I'm to get anywhere in the world, especially in the career field I've picked, I've got to suck it up.

That's all I've got for those.

And now, the good part!

Seeing as it's been weeks since I've blogged, here are all the happenings you've missed.

So I entered the UNI Instrumental Concerto Competition. Preliminary rounds for woodwinds are this Friday. I'm playing Weber II, mvt. I, and I know it well by now. That being said, I'm starting to flip a tit about it being so soon. I literally have no idea what my chances are. Hohhhhohohohoh...nerves.

I've been developing a closer relationship with God, and let me tell you, it's pretty sweet! There are some awesome people in the music major prayer group that I go to, who've helped me get better at praying and learning from the Bible, stuff like that...I've really got to thank Caryn, Faith, Steph, James, Hannah Murphy, and Hsueh-Ling Huang for being right there with me.

Remember how I was having trouble getting a certain someone off my mind? Well, I'm here to tell you...I've moved on.

It's like this: I'd rather let go of it and be open to new possibilities than hang on and be all weepy about it. Clearly, there's a reason it didn't work. All there is to it. Although, it goes without saying that I'll always care about her...it just isn't meant to be.

And along those lines, by some random chance...I seem to have happened upon a man :)

We met at work...his name's Joel. Out of nowhere, we started talking one day during the brunch shift. We ended up talking about typical things, music, movies, stuff we like, etc...at one point, he mentioned the new Tron movie, which I hadn't seen, and we suddenly had plans to watch it together. By the end of the shift he had my number, we hung out that weekend, and the rest was history :)

Well, more like we've hing out quite a bit since then, and I kind of really really like him and he likes me and yeah :)

Oh lawd...now I've gone and started using too many faces. Whoops :)

As Tori Ovel would say, that is the LAWD'S MESS. (Luh you gurl!)

People who've made my life a little brighter lately:

~Tori Ovel - My honeychild. The girl walks around bringin' happy wherever she goes. Whenever I see her, I did not expect it to be so soon :P

~Joel Steger - He walked into my life one day, and I hope he's here to stay for a while :)

~Toni Hoffmann and Faith Hall - Just look at their facebook walls. Instant cheer!

~The freshman clarinets - We took them to Heart of Darkness (a haunted complex) last Friday, then had some quality bonding time at VI. Hayhay, La-a, Molliesha, N-Lyfe, DeShawn, welcome to the family :]]

~Julie Seibert - I am SO glad we're hanging out more, woman. You are your own brand of craycray :D

~Kendra Secoy - Always boss, always herself. The world needs more Kendras, no question!!

~Isaak Sund - I feel like there isn't anything I can't tell you. As if it's not clear already...there's nothing we can't tackle together :)

Before I close... To Abbey and Stacia...as wierd and downward-sloping as things may seem sometimes, I'm trying my best to understand and be at peace. I love you both so much, and I want you to know I'll never give up. Ever.

Urban Legends

For some reason, listening to 90's Britney always cheers me up...huh.

So! As always, a lot has happened since last post. Sorry.

*Life Updates*

So the year started out with a bang. Not gonna lie, I partied quite a bit the first few weeks...eh.

Classes started, and they were mostly alright - AT and Sightsinging, I can tell, are going to be a waste of time this year. Testing out of them...yay! Also, I dropped my World Geography class, because I can't take a non-stop Tuesday/Thursday.

I'm working a lot, or at least it feels like a lot. My dining center job is alright, despite the constant nasty of the dishroom. People are alright, despite the occasional butt who tries to act like a supervisor and tell people what to do...but you'll always have those I guess. The one thing that frustrates me most? All the money I earn from now on, literally all of it, is either going towards Italy, car payments, or my U-Bill. No more room for fun...growing up sucks.

On a better note, the freshmen in the clarinet studio all seem like really awesome people! There are 6, and they're all unique...and 4 of them have started a quartet not unlike our own. It's precious :)

I can only hope they won't be scared away!!

Next on the 8:00 news: my world has become a fine frenzy, a big pile of confusing, the very epitome of a hot mess.

Basically, as you already know, I'm generally very open about my life and what goes on in it. Here's the thing, yall...

I've started to realize that isn't always a good thing. I mean, of course I believe in honesty and all that, but I also feel like there's a point when someone can be too honest. Know what I mean?

Well, it's more like when someone reveals too much about themself. Yeah, the whole "TMI" concept never really bothered me as much as it is right now...

I feel like I've revealed so much about myself that I've become predictable, like a mediocre TV series. I've dug myself into an uncomfortable hole - it's time to climb out.

Also...

Just like there's a fine line between honesty and indecent exposure, I am suddenly more aware than I've ever been of the difference between a friend and a therapist.

This year already feels so much different from last year - new living situation, new major, new classes, and new people thrown in the mix. Not to mention, I've got the dilemma of my life...yk that feeling you get when you just can't seem to get over someone? Yeah. I've got it bad. And it's really complicated. Gohhhh.

I seem to have difficulty adjusting to change; I always adjust, but it takes a while. And hohohohohhhhhh is it taking a while this time.

So I'm sorry if I've been a total ass lately. I'm not trying to excuse myself of anything, oh no...I know I can be a stubborn bitch, and I know I do shit that pisses people off. I know I'm spacey, and profane, and sometimes lazy or crude. I know I've cried wolf before, claiming to be ready to make nice and change my ways...so I don't expect anyone to believe me this time. Which is unfortunate, because I finally believe myself.

I'll take more classes next semester if it kills me. I'll go to bed at 11:30, get up early to practice, do anything it takes. Like I said, growing up sucks...but it has to happen sometime.